A Desperate Wish
by Starcrust
Summary: Sequel to An Innocent Wish - A/U. Being unable to save his friends Goku is now haunted by guilt and grief. He becomes even more desperate to change the situation as he witnesses his former archrival Vegeta slowly tearing the galaxy and himself apart.
1. Bulma's Letter

**This is the letter/note Bulma wrote to Vegeta before taking her own life in "An Innocent Wish". I have been told by some, that the epilogue for the prequel to this story was a bit rushed, and one of the main reasons is that I cut out a great deal actually, because I wanted to use it in this story – this letter being one of those things.**

**I decided to post the letter alone, because I think I will be referring to it many times through the story, and if some of you had to reread it, it would be easier than if it was part of another chapter.**

**If you have a suggestion for a picture for this story as it goes on, please tell me!**

* * *

Vegeta, please don't hate me for being selfish and choose this way out. I hate myself enough for the two of us… Who am I to tell you not to hate me… it's impossible to hate a person you never cared about, isn't it? But Tracey, you cared for her by instinct, right? Why else would you kill those young ones…

She could have survived. And I don't think about if Goku hadn't been sick. If she had been with a parent, that could protect her, she wouldn't have died. I couldn't defend her in any way. I just watched them beat her up before snapping her neck. Those images will haunt me for the rest of my life, so I cannot bear to live much longer. I watched them kill the most precious being in my world, and yet you only spared her a glance when you sent us off! You don't even deserve to feel one single fraction of parental sorrow by her death! She was too good for you. You could have had her – she would have adored you just as she loved everyone around her. But you wouldn't deserve her love. No father who send of his own child to a planet far away deserves his daughter's love.

I knew the Vegeta who lived with me at Capsule Corp; I was almost able to read his mind. But you… I will never figure out how you could just send us off and still feel enough possessiveness to go mad when they killed my baby.

Even as all this anger swells inside of me, I still long for you… Damn you Vegeta! Why must you torment me so? My most peaceful dream has turned into a living nightmare, and I can't take it any longer. I had an innocent wish: to get my second chance with you and our child. You gave me a child but chose your kingdom over us and therefor she got brutally taken away by your subjects. But I don't blame you for your choice. I blame myself for thinking you would ever consider your family important.

Power and family. Apparently you can only manage to have one of the two, and I doomed myself the day I wished for you to be strong enough to kill Freeza. I had an innocent wish, a wish for my peaceful dream of our future to become reality.

But sometimes innocence is the same as ignorance.

* * *

**I know Bulma might seem totally out of character, but later in the story all of it will be explained, I promise!**


	2. Perhaps There's Still Hope

**So this is the first real chapter of A Desperate Wish. I hope you're gonna like it.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_The sunlight got caught in her hair, making it shine a bright blue. Her blue eyes were shining too, but not by the warm rays from the sun. A look of pure sorrow and hatred met him as he looked into her blue pools; the feelings shone more strongly out of them than he had ever seen. She held their daughter's dead body in her arms, stretching them as if she tried to hand over the dead girl to him. Blood was dripping from the dark tail, which was almost cut completely off like her left arm that only was attached to the body by tiny shreds of meat._

"_You! You killed her!" He tried to reach her, to tell her he couldn't have done anything, but his body wouldn't move. "You waved us off and your underlings killed her! How could you!?" Her voice turned into a pained howl as she kept screaming: "VEGETA HOW COULD YOU!?" The echo of her scream kept on coming back as she slowly disappeared, leaving his dead daughter hanging in the air._

A roar escaped his throat as he finally awakened from his restless slumber. The trees around him were bending – some of them even broke – by the airwave caused by his transformation into supersaiyan. He had fallen asleep during his intensive training and it had made him have his tormenting nightmare once again. Vegeta howled to the sky to let out his frustration.

How dared she? Blaming him for the death of the girl, telling him how he hadn't done enough to protect them! The note she had left for him had made it clear to him, making him finally realize what his father had tried to teach him: to even think of someone else as a person he couldn't kill off with ease was a weakness. Why hadn't he listened? Now it was too late, his traitorous mind was haunted by what he believed to be guilt – he had even had the insane thought of missing them once or twice.

Why had he even cared? Why had he cared for anything at all? He should have ruled like Freeza from the start, maybe that would have kept those lowlife saiyans in line! At least it would have kept the woman and the girl at Planet Vegeta…

Who had he tried to fool? Saiyans were brutal, even among themselves, so their leader had to be the most brutal of them all – and yet he, who had claimed to be the proudest of all saiyans, had tried to rule by respect alone without his subjects fearing his power. He had tried to act different than the person his lifelong tormenter had tried to make him into, but he didn't care anymore…

She had showed him how he had achieved the goal of being someone else in her memories of the other him, but she had just abandoned him with ease. The awful image of the unrecognizable pile of flesh, bones and blue hair he had found in the hallway outside of her room popped into his head. He could still remember how unreal it had all seamed until her smell had hit him, making him realize the surreal situation indeed was real. Vegeta grabbed his head and pulled his hair in frustration and rage.

"Damn her!" he yelled before he went out of supersaiyan and collapsed on the ground. He was exhausted and about to pass out but he willed the darkness not to take over while looking at the sky above him. He could see tons of stars; most of them were ruled by his empire. The ambassadors he had picked out had instead started to serve as rulers on the planets, making sure everyone was in line and every resource the Saiyan Empire may need would be provided.

She had been right. He couldn't have a family with all of his power – they would only make him vulnerable. Or so he told himself.

As he finally let the pending darkness start to wash over him he heard a recognizable voice calling his name. There was no turning back now, and Vegeta passed out knowing Kakarrot had managed to track him down once again.

* * *

Goku deflected his son's blow and tried to get a punch in at Gohan. It brushed off and after receiving a kick right in the gut Goku shot his hand in the air, showing the eager half-saiyan to stop. "Hah, wow Gohan, you have improved," he said while breathing heavily. "Why don't you go to the stadium and see if anyone would spar with you, I have to go check up on something."

"But dad, most of the others won't train with me because I'm not a full-blooded saiyan…" Gohan send him a pleading gaze. "And it's Vegeta you're going to check on, right? Dad, he's the king, you don't need to go see him all the time."

"Gohan, listen to me," he said and got down on one knee to look his son in the eyes. "You are much stronger than every saiyan-kid your age. You're even stronger than most, if not all, adult saiyans. If they don't want to spar, you should try and provoke one into fighting you. That would show them!"

"What if too many gang up on me? I may be strong, but I can't handle too many enemies, dad." Gohan was looking nervous. It was clear he wanted his father to stay.

"I will make sure to focus on your ki the entire time. If something happens make a few quick ups and downs in you powerlevel, and I will instanttransmit to you!" He padded the son on his back before ruffling up his hair. "And you know why I have to go, Gohan."

Gohan nodded and watched his father leave. He was also sad, angry and hurt by the death of their friends, but he knew none of them would have wanted them to spend the rest of their life grieving. And he certainly knew none of them would have wanted Bulma to do what she did. He was still quite shocked by how she had taken her own life, and his parents had been almost inconsolable. His mother had cried herself to sleep every night for a month while his father had been completely silent, not uttering a single word for two weeks. Afterwards they had almost switched mood; his mother had been quiet and his father had gone into the woods to smash down trees while spewing damnnations as he turned into and out of supersaiyan randomly.

"Why did everything turn out this way?"

* * *

Goku saw a well-known face at the base of the stairs as he landed before the palace. "Brother, what brings you here?"

Raditz' tail unfolded itself from his waist and started to sway behind him. "I need to speak to you, Kakarrot."

He walked towards his older brother and stopped a few feet away from him. "Do you want to take it here, or should we find a place more secluded?" Goku looked at the saiyans who walked briefly past them on their way in and out of the palace. Most of them were soldiers going to brief their commander in charge.

"Follow me," he said and levitated, certain his younger brother would do so too. They flew for quite a while before he stopped just above his father's home and started to descend. "Father, I have brought Kakarrot," he said as he entered the house.

"Welcome, my sons," Burdock said as he watched them enter, his youngest one clearly surprised to do so. It was the first time they met in flesh, and he was once again astounded by how Kakarrot looked like his spitting image. "Kakarrot, I'm glad to finally meet you." He reached out his hand and the youngest saiyan present took it warily. "I trust you have read the log I sent you about your purgingmission. What it didn't show was how hard it was on your mother and me to never know whether or not we had lost our youngest son." He cleared his throat slightly before sitting down in one of the chairs in the living room. "I… I have heard from Raditz how you seem to have some kind of connection to the king, but how he will not tell me. Would you please enlighten me?"

Goku looked at his father. He had read the missionlog and been upset about it. His brother had told him briefly about how their parents had tried to hide how upset they were in front of him and everyone else, their pride had demanded them to do so. Perhaps that was also why Vegeta always went off alone; to let out his frustrations and grief, which he could not show anyone else.

"I will, but I do have some questions myself. Perhaps we could enlighten each other?"

* * *

Goku and Raditz were on their way back to the palace. None of them said anything as they both were deep in thoughts. Raditz had never seen his father so shaken as he had been while Kakarrot had told his tale. The older saiyan had always been composed, their mother had been just like that too, but he had overheard their sobs when they thought he was asleep. But too see his father lose his façade like that had surprised him.

"I think I should speak to Vegeta on my own." Goku looked at his brother but got no response. "Hey, Raditz, I'm talking to you!" The older saiyan still ignored him and he decided to cut of the other man. They stopped abruptly and while still hanging in midair Goku yelled: "Raditz! Use your head! I don't know how much farther I can push my luck with Vegeta. I'm positive the only reason he hasn't killed off Chi-Chi, Gohan and me is because Bulma had him promise to not do so, but I'm not sure how much longer he is intending to keep that promise. Neither you nor our father should get involved in this."

"I have known our king since he was 10. If anyone is going to help him, it should be me." Raditz tensed his jaw and felt his tail sway aggressively behind him. Why did Kakarrot want to be the hero on his own?

"I know, Raditz, but Vegeta is not himself anymore. If you look at him in the wrong way he might just choose to kill off you, Potaro and Burdock." Goku kept eye-contact with the older saiyan while speaking. "Think of your son, brother!"

Raditz snarled in the back of his throat. He knew his younger brother was right; their king might kill his beautiful mate and their son if provoked. But he couldn't just stand by and watch Kakarrot do it all alone. "What about yourself, brother? Your wife is expecting your second child, and yet you ask me to let you do this on your own."

"No, that's not what I'm saying. All I ask of you is to let me speak to Vegeta on my own. As soon as we figure out what to do I want you to help me as much as you can." He looked almost pleadingly at his brother as his son had looked at him earlier. "Please, Raditz. All my friends have died; my best friend took her own life for crying out loud! I don't want to see more people I care about die." Raditz could sense his brother's desperation and finally nodded. He was about to say something as Kakarrot put to fingers at his forehead. "Sorry, I have to go see Gohan!" And then, he was gone.

* * *

Gohan grabbed his left arm and jumped backwards to get out of reach of the attacking saiyan. He was becoming desperate and had sent the SOS-signal to his father by his ki. If he had to keep fighting his seven saiyan peers he would be forced to go super, and his father had told him to not show other saiyans he could do so. It would only bring trouble. He deflected a blast and cursed as another hit his already hurting arm.

Suddenly he was in midair, as his father had showed up and hauled him out of the fight. One of the saiyans tried to reach them, but Goku smashed his head, making the young man crush into the side of the stadium.

"Now what? Can't defend yourself, huh, half-blooded?" Goku landed next to the girl who was still spewing provocations. Her tail was fastened around her waist and she looked awfully clean, showing Goku she had just made the others attack his son without getting her own hands dirty.

"What about you?" he said and landed a blow on the side of her head. The seven boys around him were ready to jump at him, but after a single snarl from Goku they stopped. "To get hit so easily by an old man, that can't be good for your pride. You might even have to wave that tail of yours. That is if it even works." Goku didn't know what had possessed him, but to see such a low act from the young ones made him angry. He knew he had sent Gohan to the stadium, but to see seven of his peers beating him up while some girl stood by laughing was too low.

"Shut up, jerk. Why don't you just keep your alien freak of a son at home?" Daisia touched her sore jaw and barely dodged the blast the grown up saiyan send her way. "What do you think you're doing?" she shouted and felt her heart pump. It was known by most saiyans that the former ambassador of Earth was the only one who would be able to keep his stand in a fight with their king in more than two seconds.

"Don't ever speak like that about my son in front of me again." Goku walked to the frightened girl and looked her dead in the eyes. "Next time you might want to try and fight yourself instead of standing by and watch like a coward." He looked at the other younglings. None of them spoke. "If one of you can win in a one-on-one spar with Gohan when he is healed, you can rightfully say a half-saiyan is weak or whatever you kids have been telling each other. But if you can't, I want every single one of you to admit your defeat and let him train with you on equal terms as if he was a full-blooded saiyan."

The seven boys nodded but the girl still seemed angry. "Whatever," she said and started walking away. Goku watched the seven boys take off and he was left alone with a heavy breathing Gohan.

* * *

Vegeta woke up and slowly opened his eyes. The nightmare had luckily not haunted him and he felt somewhat fully rested for the first time in two years. A snarl escaped his throat as he became aware of the other person present in the room. "Kakarrot, you better have a great reason to be here, or I'm going to kill you."

"I wanted to ask you a couple of questions," the younger saiyan said and pushed himself away from the wall he had leaned against.

"Why should I answer to you? Get out; I don't want to see your pathetic face right now." He tried to get out of the bed but the movement made him lose his breath.

"Launyr didn't put you in a regenerationtank. She thought your body would need a good rest more than a rushed healing. As soon as I tell her you woke up she will have you put in a tank, but I won't tell her before you hear me out."

"Kakarrot, how dare you?" he growled and tried once again but he still couldn't move. "Bring the medic immediately."

"Vegeta, listen to me! You can't keep this up. Your body is going to break down. Think about your subjects, what are they going to do if you die without giving them an heir or at least a candidate to take over for you." Vegeta turned his head and looked at the spiky-haired man. If he could, he would blast his head off, but his body was to beaten up.

"Fuck off. I don't need you to tell me that." He turned his head again to not have to see the face of the other saiyan.

"If you don't, then start acting like you know it." He growled, but the younger saiyan kept talking: "What I came here to talk about wasn't you responsibility as a king though. I came to ask permission to leave the planet."

"If you want to get off planet all you have to do is join a mission, Kakarrot. Now fuck off!"

"I don't want to go on a mission for the empire. I want to try and get everyone back."

Vegeta's eyes shot open. "How?"

"I still don't know yet. But I'm willing to do almost anything." Goku was pleased to hear Vegeta's interest. Perhaps there was still hope. For the galaxy's sake, he really wanted to believe there was hope.

* * *

**Next chapter is going to be called "Nice to Finally Meet You". All you Trunks-fans will love it!**


	3. Nice to Finally Meet You

**Phew, this chapter has taken some time to write. I have had a couple of days with 13+ hours of work, and that doesn't give much time to write.**

**When the text is aligned in the center instead of in the left, it is to show it's a glimpse from the past shown by Lord Enma.**

**And to Letus (and other who may have the same thought): They can't use the dragonballs – Planet Namek and Planet Earth were both destroyed by the "punks" in An Innocent Wish and so was the dragonballs.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

White.

Everything was white.

She was SO tired of white…

Once in a while she would bump into another soul, but it was always a brief encounter before they both decided to keep on going. It had been the same for them all; they didn't know what they sought, but they kept walking anyway. Just like Bulma. She had lost her sense of time completely – she wouldn't know if she had been there in a week or a decade. She just kept walking.

Lord Enma had told her she had been lucky. After all, she had taken her own life, but he knew how she had helped the z-fighters in both timelines, so she had been granted access to the lowest level of heaven. At first she had been surprised by how he knew about her timetravel, but he had told her how it had only affected those who were still alive. This also meant – as he had told her in great details – that somewhere in hell _her_ Vegeta, the one she had fallen in love with, was being tormented.

"Bulma Brief," rumbled Lord Enma's voice, pulling her out of her thoughts. She was suddenly in his office and the bright colors off it made her confused. "Someone must hold their hand over you, seeing how lucky you are."

Bulma looked at the giant man in disbelief. "Lucky? How can I be called lucky? My children were killed; my lover died in one timeline and sends me away in another. My friends and daughter were tortured and killed in front of me before I watched Earth be destroyed. How... Am… I… Lucky?"

The huge man seemed annoyed by her irritation. "If you hear me out, I do believe you will call yourself lucky. Two in the highest level of heaven have been very nagging about leveling down or having you leveled up for the three of you to meet. And after two and a half year I have decided to grant them their wish. You will meet them at the fifth level, where the three off you will stay from now on." Bulma was confused. Who was the enormous man talking about? A rumbling laughter escaped Lord Enma as he said: "You, who have been called a genius your entire life, cannot figure out what I'm talking about?" She slowly shook her head no. "Then the surprise will be even greater."

* * *

White. Once again it was all white. But something was still different. Before Bulma had felt like she only had been able to see a few feet ahead, like some kind of fog had lain around her. Now she felt like the visibility was like it had been when she was alive.

"Mo… Mommy?"

She turned around and couldn't believe her eyes. Her beautiful daughter, with her magnificent black hair and tail, matching the onyx eyes, which were now blank with tears, was looking at her, smiling. Next to her stood a boy, looking a bit older than Tracey, with purple hair and blue eyes. Bulma noticed a tail around his waist and made a conclusion, even though she was afraid it was wrong.

"Tracey! Trunks?" She feel to her knees and the children ran to her, embracing her as the three off them fell to the ground – or whatever it would be called. Now she finally knew in her heart where she was: heaven.

"Mommy, we missed you so much!" Tracey cried into her ear.

"I've missed you too," Bulma said as she finally untangled herself from the arms and tails of her kids. She looked at the children and took in all their features. Both of them had straight, long hair – Tracey's were a bit longer than Trunks'. Tracey had her mother's face but her father's eyes, where Trunks were the exact opposite. Bulma felt a lump in her throat as she thought of Vegeta. "Trunks," she said and smiled as she caressed her son's cheek. "It's nice to finally meet you." The children laughed happily and embraced her once again. "But how?" Bulma asked while kissing the top of their head.

"I will tell you," Lord Enma's voice rumbled.

* * *

Bulma sat in a chair with Tracey and Trunks on each lab. They all looked at the enormous man in front of them. "You're wondering how your son is here?"

"No, not how, you have already told me about how my timetraveler didn't affect those living in heaven and hell. I'm wondering how he's grown. Tracey has grown too," she said and let her arms tighten a bit around the children. She was happy beyond believe to see them, and had to check whether they still were there or not, afraid of losing them again. "But I thought you stayed the age you were when you died?"

Lord Enma leaned forward and leaned his chin on his hand while resting his elbows on the table. "Both your children got to the highest level of Heaven, which means they were allowed to do as they wanted except going back to life. They both choose – even though they didn't know of each other until a couple of weeks after Tracey arrived – to watch you and grow like they would if they had been alive. So they did what was closest to still be living."

Bulma looked down at the purple-haired boy. He had watched her since the day he had been aborted? A tear started to roll down her cheek. "Trunks, I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything."

Her son's tail locked itself around her wrist. "It's okay mom," he said and smiled at her.

"Mommy, did you really mean what you wrote to daddy?" She froze as her daughter looked at her. "Do… Do you really think I shouldn't like daddy?" Tracey started to sob and Bulma tried to hold the girl even closer.

"Tracey, don't cry. Mommy was angry." She looked briefly at Trunks and was met with serious blue eyes. He was clearly listening and wanting to hear her reasons. "I was a very bad person. I was really sad and mad at everyone, and I tried to make your father angry. I'm sorry, Tracey, I shouldn't have written as I did. I know you would like your father." She could still remember how betrayed she had felt while she wrote the letter. She had been out of her own mind; she had tried to make Vegeta feel some kind of guilt, just a fraction. And it had ended up hurting her daughter.

"I… I… I liked daddy," the tiny girl hiccupped.

"But darling, can you even remember your father?" Bulma asked. Tracey had been five days old when they had left Planet Vegeta and Vegeta had only been in the room for a few minutes.

"Daddy was holding me for a long time. I was so sad when he put me down, I didn't want to sleep; I wanted to be held by daddy." Tracey started to cry now, and Trunks hopped down from Bulma's lap so she could embrace his sister.

"When did he do that sweetie?" Bulma asked after kissing her daughter's forehead.

"When you were sleeping, before we flew in the ball." Suddenly she remembered how she had been waked by Tracey's crying the night before they had been sent off. Her daughter hadn't been hungry or in pain, and she had looked into a dark corner for some time. Had Vegeta really been in the room and held their daughter? Perhaps he had even been in the room when she had tried to console the crying infant…?

"Are you sure baby?"

"Yes," stammered the now sobbing girl. "I recognized daddy when he picked you up in the spaceship mommy." Bulma was overwhelmed by what her daughter was saying and just kept on embracing the girl. She smiled at Trunks when he walked to their side and started rubbing his sister's back to make her calm down.

"Talking of Vegeta," Lord Enma said after clearing his throat. "I want to show you something, Bulma. Trunks and Tracey, I'm going to send you two to the fifth level now, your mother will join you in a moment." Before anyone managed to say even half a sentence Bulma and Lord Enma was alone. She looked very confused and concerned, and Lord Enma quickly raised his hand to show her to keep quite. He was not in the mood for more explanation right now. "Bulma, I'm going to show you glimpses from the past two and a half year. When you have seen it, I want you to reconsider not calling yourself lucky. Your actions have had a great impact on the fate of the entire galaxy."

* * *

Twenty-four saiyans were standing on a line; all of them were facing a composed Vegeta. A sudden rush went through the group, and Bulma watched in horror as all except one of the in-line men fell to the ground, blood splattering from wounds all over their body.

"Your Majesty, have you gone mad? We have granted your wish and let the two alien women and the half-breaded boy live on the planet as free people, and yet you do this? What have The Elders done to anger you so? Even your father knew a great king would need The Elders to rule, even though they may not agree." She noticed the standing saiyan's hair and tail was a bright white, much like the only color she had seen for the last years.

"Caporos, haven't your visions shown you this?" Vegeta's eyes were burning, but she had never seen him like this. Normally she would have recognized the flames in the onyx depths as anger or passion, but now his eyes looked like they were burning by a fever. "Of course they haven't. If your visions were of any use they would have guided me instead of making me more confused." His teeth were barred and his voice was sounding like a growl. "What use would my empire have of a prophet, whose prophecies can't keep the royal family safe?" The white-haired saiyan was about to say something, but the only sound that left his mouth was a rasp as Vegeta's hand crushed his throat.

* * *

"My king, please reconsider! The planet has valuable resources, and only the people know how to mine them." A short-haired saiyan looked pleadingly at Vegeta, but he looked like he didn't care at all.

"They have tried to coupe you three times, and that's three times too much. I will let you watch as I kill them off as you should have done a long time ago before you will die for treachery against my empire." Vegeta walked out of the room and left a clearly shaken man.

* * *

"Vegeta, listen to me! Your body will soon break down, please think of yourself!" Bulma was surprised to see Vegeta and Goku, both supersaiyan. It looked like they sparred, but it was more like Vegeta chasing Goku around in anger.

"Kakarrot shut up and fight me! No one is able to fight me except you, you piece of third class shit." Vegeta sounded somewhat desperate as he kept on throwing punches at Goku, landing a few of them.

"I don't want to fight you, last time you passed out."

"SHUT UP!"

"Please Vegeta, liste…" A severe punch hit Goku in the face, and a look of anger was manifesting itself as the pain disappeared. "Fine."

The two men fought for what seemed a long time, but Bulma only saw glimpses of it until suddenly Vegeta was lying unmoving at the ground, his hair black and no golden aura was around him. Goku slowly landed beside the fallen man and hauled him over his unbroken shoulder while shaking his head.

* * *

Bulma gasped as she surfaced from the glimpses she had been shown, the latest of them were Vegeta purging planets on his own, sometimes for no reason at all. "What is happening? He… He told Launyr he never wanted to become like Freeza, but he is even worse. He has gone completely mad."

"After watching this, how do you think Vegeta in hell is doing?" Lord Enma asked and passed her a paper-towel to dry off her tears. A look of pure horror met him as she looked into his eyes, unable to speak. He shook his head. "I can tell you that Vegeta in hell has lost all sense of time, like yourself. All he knows is that if he keeps on fighting and doesn't break down, someday he will be brought back to life and see you and his son waiting for him." He passed her another paper-towel as more tears started to flow from the blue eyes. "But the Vegeta, who is now alive, has nothing but his rage to fight for. First he was forced to send you and Tracey away, in order to become a king worthy of his people and not like his own tormenter. Then his own subjects betrayed him, and as he needed his refugee with you the most, and wanted you to forgive his sins after killing those innocent saiyans, you betrayed him too by taking your own life." Bulma opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but not a single sound escaped her. "But your greatest betrayal was to deny the feelings he hadn't even admitted to himself and deny him his daughter's love. And to find you in the corridor wasn't making Vegeta's life any easier."

Bulma's eyes were wide open and she covered her mouth to hold back a sob before saying: "He was the one who found me?"

Lord Enma nodded and stretched out his hand. "Let me show you." Bulma shook her head and got out of her chair. She was backing away; panic clearly shinning out of her eyes. Lord Enma snorted and said: "You forget I am in charge of all in heaven and hell…"

* * *

An empty corridor. Almost empty. Bulma would give anything to look away. Just in front of her was a pile, and even though she couldn't recognize it, she knew what it was: her. She hadn't been able to sleep after watching Tracey being killed. Sorrow and fatigue had made her crazy; one moment she had been looking out of a window without a single thought in her mind, the next minute she would be throwing furniture around while screaming and crying. She had written the letter in self-pity. The last couple of days of her life had been used on convincing herself that Vegeta only had used her to gain what he wanted and then just sent her out of his life when she was useless.

"Woman?" She looked down the corridor. Vegeta stood in the far end but didn't move. It was as if time had stopped until he started walking slowly towards her dead body. He stopped a few inches away and fell to his knees. His eyes were wide open and the look in them was hollow, as if he wasn't registering what he was looking at.

"Bulma…"

A shaking hand grabbed a few strands of her hair but he didn't do anything. He just stared at the body in front of him.

Minutes passed in silence until a familiar voice called out: "Vegeta?" Bulma saw Goku run down the corridor with a worried look in his eyes, but he stopped dead in his tracks. "BULMA! What happened?"

"You…" Vegeta's voice was shaking in anger and his fist left her hair and landed in Goku's face. "You were given order to take care of them! You…!" Goku deflected a few of the punches, but was soon taken down by the angry king.

"Vegeta! Please, I couldn't do anything." The youngest saiyan was clearly desperate as the punches, kicks and ki-blasts kept hauling down on him. "You promised Bulma not to kill me." A few more punches was landed before Vegeta stumbled backwards and looked at her dead body once again. After several minutes without moving Vegeta finally grabbed his head, fell to the ground and a sorrowful howl filled the corridor.

* * *

Bulma looked down at her hands, unable to meet the gaze of Lord Enma. What had she done?

"Son Goku has been looking after Vegeta ever since. If he hadn't, I would have had two Vegetas in Hell; one of them would have died of fatigue and starvation. Our only hope for the galaxy is for Goku to once again surprise everyone and save the day."

Bulma looked at the giant and was surprised and relieved to see a reassuring smile. "Yes, I hope he will do that. Knowing Goku, he will do everything possible to do exactly that."

* * *

**I hope the Trunks-fans is happy to know he is back in business – and don't worry, it's not his last appearance in the story!**

**I have some ideas to how Goku will try to "save the day", but all ideas are welcome. Send me a PM or put it in a review, whatever you prefer!**


	4. About to Get Started

**I don't know why, but the chapters in this story are longer than the chapters in "An Innocent Wish"… I think I'm trying to have too many things going on. Anyway, here is the third chapter of A Desperate Wish.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Gohan took a deep breath before lowering his powerlevel. He had just beaten the seventh of the bullies and was now looking at the girl. She had started to slowly back away when it became clear he would beat the last of the boys, but he didn't intent on letting her get away. She had been the one encouraging the others to attack him as an entire group in the first place, so she would have to pay like them. He flew towards her and landed just behind her, making her spin around and jump away in surprise.

"Go on, hit me," she yelled with a confident voice. Gohan could see she was shaking and he could even smell her fear. "Now what, you don't hit on girls? I'm more saiyan than you, you know, so go on!"

Her ongoing blabbering annoyed him and he threw a punch at her to show her he would hit her if she really wanted to fight that bad – he had originally planned on just giving her a piece of his mind. To his big surprise she fell to the ground after flying a few feet. The boys were too busy helping each other into the air to get to a tank to even pay attention to what was happening between their friend and Gohan. "Hey, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"Get away from me!" she hissed and got up. "I didn't ask for your sympathy."

"Huh?" Gohan retrieved the hand he had held out to help her up. "I'm not offering you sympathy; I simply ask if you're alright after being knocked over." 'What's her problem?'

"Yeah, go ahead. Laugh! Look at Daisia; she can't even take a single punch from a half-blooded."

"Shut up," Gohan yelled, making the already shaken saiyan girl flinch. "Stop calling me half-blooded. I know I'm not pure saiyan, but I beat the crap out of those dorks, so stop saying it like it makes me weak or worthless. And stop acting like I'm one of the jerks, it wasn't me who had seven others to go against one!"

Daisia's cheeks started to redden, but she tried to keep her embarrassment under control. "It wasn't me who started to call the guys scaredy-cats and tell them they better tell their parents to take their parenting more seriously! It was as if you wanted to get your ass beaten. You're the stupid one in that matter!"

Gohan took a step forward which made Daisia take two backwards. "It didn't make it any better to have you yelling at them where to hit me to land the best punch… If you're so good at analyzing a fight, shouldn't you have joined it yourself?"

"I couldn't!" she yelled desperately and backed even further away from the agitated Gohan. Her outburst caught him by surprise and he stopped without knowing what to say. "I don't know how to fly, okay? I couldn't join your fight in the air…" She looked at the ground and started to brush her own hands with her tail.

Gohan laid his hand at her shoulder and was met by angry but blank eyes as she lifted her head and looked at him. "I can teach you."

"I said I didn't want your pity!" She slapped his hand away and took a step away from him.

"I do not pity you; I'm offering to teach you how to fly! Why haven't you learned it?" He hadn't seen a saiyan above the age of four who couldn't fly, and he was surprised to learn Daisia couldn't.

"Why should I tell you?" she asked and shot him an annoyed glare. "And why do you suddenly try to play mister nice guy?"

He fought the urge to just take off and get away from the angry saiyan, but he somewhat wanted to help her. "I'm not… Okay, I have an idea. I teach you how to fly, perhaps I can even teach you some ki-moves, and then you tell me why you haven't learned to fly before." He stretched his hand towards her. "Deal?"

Daisia looked at his hand for a couple of seconds. "You promise not to tell anyone about teaching me or what I'm going to tell you?" Gohan nodded and Daisia send him a tiny smile before she took his hand and shook it. "Then we have a deal. My name is Daisia by the way."

"Nice to meet you Daisia," he said and sent her a giant Son-smile. "My name is Gohan."

* * *

Chi-Chi looked out of the window and sighed. After moving to Planet Vegeta she hadn't seen her husband much. If he wasn't sparring with their son Goku was spending his time with his brother, father or the broken Vegeta. Gohan had been at home most of the time but the last couple of weeks he had been away even more than his father. She had been forced to get a hobby, but it had been difficult. Now, as she was sitting in their living room, she was glad she had gotten used to knit and read when she wasn't cooking or the spare-time would have driven her crazy.

"Chi, I'm back!" She got out of her seat and was in the same instant swooped into her husband's arms. She was surprised by his fever-hot kiss and looked at him in complete silence as he sent her his brightest smile. "I've got an idea; if it's working we can have Earth and everyone back!"

She felt a tear roll down her cheek as she smiled at him. She put her hands on his cheeks and pulled him down to kiss him once again. "That would be fantastic Goku. Have you told Gohan?"

"Not yet." Goku planted a kiss at her forehead before putting her down. "Have he said anything about when he will be home?"

"No," Chi-Chi said and put her hands at her hips. "I thought he was with you?"

"I've been with my father and brother all day, trying to come up with ideas. I haven't seen Gohan since breakfast." He looked at his wife and could see worry in her eyes.

"He said he was going to meet up with you and train." She furrowed her brows. "What about yesterday? And the day before. When was the last time you trained with Gohan?"

"I don't know… Some weeks ago I think. He hasn't asked to train with me, so I assumed he had found someone at his own age to train with." He put a hand on his wife's arm and sent her a reassuring smile when she looked at him. "I will go get him. Don't worry Chi, he's fine!"

* * *

"Gohan, look! Look!" Daisia's eyes were shinning as she slowly started to lift herself more than two feet of the ground.

"Good job Daisia." He got up from the ground where he had been sitting and thinking about which moves would be the best to start teaching her. She had been eager to learn to fly first, even though he had thought it would be wisest for her to learn to control her ki by making moves. He looked at the girl, who was now floating 20 feet or more above the ground. Her shoulder-long spiky hair didn't move, it was stiff as all other saiyans' hair, but her two small bangs were waving a bit in the wind. Gohan smiled, glad that she finally could levitate, but suddenly she started to rise even more. "Hey, take it easy. Don't push it."

"Don't be a sissy, I'm a big girl; I can handle myself." She sent him a daring smile and started to fly even higher. As she attempted to change direction she started to spin out of control. "Gohan!"

He was about to fly to her rescue as a silhouette popped out of the thin air and caught the falling girl. "So this is what you've been doing when your mother thought we were training." Goku put down the shaken Daisia and looked at his son. "Lying to your mother to go see this loudmouthed girl is not what I expected off you, Gohan."

"Dad, I can explain!" Gohan looked at Daisia and tried desperately to make up a reason without breaking his promise.

"I'm sorry sir; it was me who asked Gohan not to tell anyone that he was seeing me." Gohan and Goku both looked at the normally cursing and yelling girl, who were suddenly speaking in a normal tone and even sounded formal. "My father hasn't taught me how to fly. It's really embarrassing, and no one except Gohan knows. That's why I asked him not to tell anyone that he is teaching me how to fly."

Goku looked from the girl to his son and back again. "Wow, you can actually behave…" He started laughing when he saw the annoyed gaze Daisia shot his way. "Well, I actually came to retrieve Gohan so his mother could give him a piece of her mind… But it won't harm anyone if I watch the two of you train for a while."

Daisia looked nervously at Gohan. She had planned on sneaking around the real reason as to why she couldn't fly when she should tell him, but as she had seen how he was about to get into trouble because of her she had spilled the beans mindlessly. It wasn't even half the truth, but it was enough to convince the former ambassador and keep Gohan out of trouble. "I… I'm not sure if I should try again," she said and started to brush her hand with her tail, a habit she had when she was nervous. "I kinda lost control before."

"You were way too eager," Gohan said and walked to her side. They both tried to ignore the grown-up saiyan, who were watching them. "Try to focus. Feel your ki flow through you."

Goku was impressed by how great his son was at teaching. He hadn't observed them for long when the young saiyan girl was flying in small circles above him, clearly happy to succeed. The young ones landed and Gohan was about to start a new exercise but Goku decided it was time to go home. He had been watching them for an hour or two and his wife would be furious when they got home.

* * *

Chi-Chi looked at her son and husband as they were doing the dishes after dinner. She had scolded them for half an hour after spending two hours worrying why Goku was taking so long. She had even prepared herself to get a handicapped son back, making up different horrifying scenarios in her mind as she walked around in the suddenly claustrophobically small living area. Gohan had explained the whole situation afterwards and Goku had promised to tell the two of them the idea his father had come up with after dinner. She poured a cup of tea for each of them as Goku and Gohan sat down, Gohan next to Chi-Chi and Goku facing them both.

"My father asked me how Earth got the Dragonballs. As I told him how Kami was sent to Earth because of a catastrophe at Planet Namek, he suggested other namekians may have tried to escape the planet or sent off their children like Kami's parents." He could see how hope started to show on the faces of his son and wife. "I will go to King Kai tonight and ask him if he can help us. If anyone knows if and where another namekian could live it must be him!"

"How long will you be gone?" Chi-Chi knew something had to be done, but she couldn't stand the thought of being left alone on Planet Vegeta for too long. She knew Gohan would be there, but he would of course want to spend time with Daisia and perhaps other of his peers.

"I don't know Chi. I promise to come back and fill you in on what I'm going to do. Hopefully it will take some time, because that will mean there's something I can do." He saw the tears in his wife's eyes and got out of his chair. "Hey Chi, don't be sad. I'm going to bring everyone back."

"I know, Goku. But why does it always have to be you? Why do I always have to be the one to be left behind?" She got out of her chair too and let her husband embrace her before starting to sob into his chest.

* * *

A high-pitched scream shook him out of his trance. Vegeta looked at the man he held in his hand, which was soaked in the fresh-spilled blood. "Dad!" A small boy, perhaps at the age of three, looked at him in horror as he stumbled to the ground. "Daddy, open your eyes." Vegeta looked at the shaking boy and his mother.

"Be quiet son." The woman got to her knees and embraced the kid. "Your father won't wake up, but you have to be strong." She raised her head and looked him dead in the eyes. Fear and anger was shining out of her eyes as she said: "My king, please spear the boy. He is innocent, it was only his father and I who thought of deserting, he is too young to even know what we were talking about."

Vegeta let go of the dead saiyan. The last thing he remembered was overhearing three of his generals discussing where to escape to after deserting and hunting down two of them before killing them. The man who was now lying by his feet was the last of them, but how he had found him was something he couldn't remember. "Age is not an excuse," he said as he shot a ki-blast at the two. He walked out of the tiny house and was in an empty street. All the surrounding houses were silent, but he could feel people in all of them. He thought of assembling all the inhabitants of the village and tell them what had happened to make sure they understood what would happen, if they tried to desert.

"Vegeta," called a familiar voice and he felt his blood started to boil in annoyance.

"What, Kakarrot? I don't remember summoning you."

"My father has given me an idea on how to get back…" Vegeta looked at the younger saiyan, who stopped midsentence and ran into the house he had just left. He came back with the hardly breathing kid in his arms. "What happened? His parents are dead in there, we have to help him." A horrified yell escaped Kakarrot's mouth when Vegeta shot a ki-beam through the boy's head. "VEGETA!? He was just a child."

"He was the offspring of traitors," he said and grabbed the arm of the dead boy before hauling him down the street. "What were you saying, Kakarrot?"

Goku looked at the boy he had just been holding and tried to grasp what had happened. Vegeta had killed the family of those who had killed all his friends and Tracey, but ever since then he had not killed saiyan children. "I… I think I know how I can get back Bulma and Tracey."

"Why would that be of any concern to me?" Goku looked at Vegeta in pure disbelief. Was it too late? Had Vegeta's mind finally snapped? "Neither of them would have anything to do with me if they were brought back, so why should I care?" He was surprised to see how Vegeta looked like a beaten man; he was looking at the ground while his shoulders were hanging like his tail. "She even said so herself." When Vegeta looked at him Goku was met with empty black eyes. "Do whatever you want, Kakarrot."

* * *

"_I told you, your highness! Family or power. You chose, now you have to live with your choice. But you can't even handle your power; your subjects are trying to flee. Hail Vegeta, king of..?" Her eyes were the only thing he could see and they were tormenting him. It was as if she was laughing at him. "And those who haven't tried to flee yet are killed off, just in case they would try later. Did you even want your people, your highness?"_

"_Shut up! You're dead, the dead should be silent!" He tried to turn around and get away from her, but everywhere he looked was a pair of blue eyes. "Leave me alone!"_

"_Why? The great king can't even handle the nagging off a woman?" It was as if he had been zooming in on her eyes and suddenly they started to become smaller and he could see they were looking at him from a pile of her flesh and bones. He tried once again to get away, unable to handle the sight, but it kept following him. "Family or power, you highness, what would you choose if you could start all over? Answer me!" She screamed the last as he kept moving away, still futile. "Would you even consider us? Is it better to be the king of people you slaughter than having a family?"_

"Leave me alone!"

Vegeta sat right up in his bed, finally awake from his nightmare. He buried his face in his hands and tried to ignore the echo of her voice in his head. Slowly he got out of bed and walked to the window. He looked at the silent city below the palace and let his forehead rest on the cool glass of the window. A flash of blue made him jump backwards, and when he found out it had simply been an insect flying past the window his heart was already pumping like it wanted to escape his chest. A haunted howl left his mouth as the tormented king fell to his knees. Since his severe injuries some months ago he hadn't slept properly until a week ago where he suddenly stopped blaming himself or the woman of anything. It was like he had come to terms with what had happened, but now he realized it had only been a minor occurrence of numbness before the guilt and sorrow hit him again in full scale.

The scream of the child as he had watched Vegeta kill his father suddenly filled his ears, making him grab them and shake his head in order to make the awful sound go away. _"You can't even handle your power; your subjects are trying to flee. Hail Vegeta, king of..?"_ His head snapped up – her voice sounded clear in his mind, as if she was standing next to him. After looking around the room several times he finally came to terms with his loneliness. He was always alone. She had left him and taken his sanity with her. _"Family or power, you highness, what would you choose if you could start all over?"_ A broken sob escaped his lips and for the first time since he was a kid Vegeta felt a tear roll down his cheek. The sensation reminded him of the memories the kalionian woman had let him watch and once again the voice of his blue-haired tormenter rang in his ears: _"Is it better to be the king of people you slaughter than having a family?"_

A bulge was left in the floor where his left fist hit it. He hammered at the same spot until a hole was made. As he watched it in silence he once again felt a tear stream down his cheek. "I don't care anymore…" He got up from the floor and stumbled to his bed where he laid the way he landed. "Just leave me alone." Another sob escaped him as he felt how darkness was starting to take over his mind. The thought of blue hair and eyes began haunting him even before he had fallen asleep and Vegeta started to toss and turn in the bed.

"Please Bulma. Just let me sleep!"

* * *

**I know the whole "Gohan is teaching a girl how to fly" is just like in the series, but I thought it was a great way to let Gohan and Daisia talk more civilized.**

**The idea of using the timemachine have occurred to me, but I wanted to do something else than the same thing twice. So I thought (and at least one of you has had the same thought): what if other namekians were living off-planet?**

**Next time Goku will pay a visit to King Kai and maybe see some friends – King Kai does live in a place where the dead can reach him to train, right?**


	5. Not Out of Reach Anymore

**Whew, this chapter really gave me a great struggle! I have rewritten the last part of it more than four times… And like the last time I was unsure about a part, I'm 100% sure I'm never going to be 100% sure it has turned out as I want it to be.**

**I'm really unsure about this chapter – all kind of response will be appreciated, if I don't answer a PM it's because I have read it during a break at work and then forgotten to respond when getting home, but I read everyone, and I'm really happy to get opinions on my story or suggestions.**

**This time the center aligned is some kind of memory/looking back scene, just so you know *winks*.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The bug-like man petted the monkey at his side before getting out of his house to greet his visitor. "It's nice to see you Goku." The former savior of Earth looked much more grown-up than the last time King Kai had seen him. He knew the reasons and also why Goku had come to visit him. "But it would be even nicer to get a visit just for the sake of my great hospitality and not because you need my help once again."

"I know King Kai, and I'm sorry, but as you said, I need your help." Goku petted Bubbles at the head before looking at his former master again. "Do you know where I can find what I seek?"

"I would like to help you, Goku, but I am not sure where to find a namekian. I know of four who was sent off like Kami, but I'm not certain if they are still alive or not. They left my part of the galaxy around the time of Kami's arrival at Earth." King Kai sighed. If just he could help his student save the galaxy – but the information Goku searched was not his to disclose.

"Then who should I talk to? You know as well as me that this is our last chance. Vegeta could snap any moment, I have to do something!" Desperation shone out of Goku's eyes and the saiyan started to walk towards King Kai. "Please help me."

"You will have to talk to the Supreme Kai. I will nee…"

"Great – how can I find him?" King Kai cleared his throat and shot the other man an annoyed glare. "Sorry…"

"I will need some time to contact Supreme Kai's attendant Kibito. You will need to stay put until then Goku." He walked into the house before his student could manage to say anything.

Goku looked at Bubbles. The monkey was looking at him with its head tilted before it started to jump up and down, signaling he wanted to play. "Not right now Bubbles. Now when I'm in Other World, there's someone I have to meet."

* * *

"Come on, Tracey!" Trunks looked impatiently at his sister. She had promised to train with him, to kill some time, but she kept on begging their mother to tell stories about the z-fighters or their father. He was tired of hearing about people he never had or would meet. Both his mother and sister had asked him if it was okay for them to talk about those things, and he had said yes. But jealousy started to nag him even though he would never admit it.

"Okay, okay!"

Bulma looked at her children as they started to spar. She knew all too well how it was nagging Trunks to not have met the people she and Tracey were talking about, but she couldn't bring herself to deny her daughter those talks. Her onyx eyes were always shinning with joy when they talked about the people who had loved the little half-saiyan girl with all their heart. To her big surprise even Yamcha had taken a liking to her daughter and made it a habit to visit at least once every week to make sure Tracey was stimulated physically to keep her power and reflexes in shape. They had never talked about it, her and Yamcha; it had been more like a gentleman's-agreement. Her mother had of course told him how happy she was about Tracey having some kind of father-figure in her life. Bulma was glad she had told her parents and the Z-fighters the truth. She had gotten a taste of what life would have been like if she hadn't…

* * *

The pod had just opened when she was greeted with cheers and hurray's. Goku helped her out of the pod and took great precautions to shelter Tracey until they were on the edge of the newly-made crater.

"Bulma, my baby!" Her mother was about to pull her into an embrace like only a mother who hadn't seen her daughter for more than two years could do when she froze. "And who might that be?" Mrs. Brief's voice trembled a bit and lost its joyous tone.

Bulma looked at all her friends and her parents. Tracey was moving nervously around in her arms, clearly picking up her mother's state of mind. "Mom; Dad; everyone. I would like you to meet my daughter Tracey. She's approximately 4 month's old."

"DAUGHTER?" The only people who didn't seem surprised were Goku, Chi-Chi and Gohan. Everyone else stared at her with eyes the size of a teacup. Tracey flinched by the outburst and grabbed Bulma's arm with arms and legs, almost crushing her bones. Her black tail swung behind her, brushing Bulma's arm with each swing, showing her how frightened she felt.

"She's half-saiyan. Is… Is she?" Yamcha took a couple of steps towards them.

"Yes, she's Vegeta's daughter." The shock in her friends' eyes was what she had expected but the look on Yamcha's face hurt her. He looked heartbroken, which also had been something to expect, but the look of disgust and betrayal took her totally by surprise. He took off half a minute later, leaving Bulma and the rest of the gang in an awkward silence.

"Mom, dad, can we go home? I have a lot to tell you." She cradled her daughter a bit to calm her down before she added: "To all of you. But first Tracey and I need to get something to eat."

"Of course sweetheart," Mrs. Brief said and opened her arms. "May I… may I hold her?" Bulma nodded, unable to speak because of the turmoil in her mind. She gave Tracey to her mother; at first Tracey was moving a bit nervously in the arms of her grandmother, but after a couple of minutes she calmed down and was quiet during the trip to Capsule Corp.

After eating a home-cooked meal, which she found out she had missed more than she thought, Bulma told the whole truth to her friends and parents. At first they were shocked and confused, but slowly they seemed to come to terms with her description of her original timeline and thereby how Vegeta had been living at Capsule Corp and made her fall in love with him.

"Yamcha should know," Krillin said and looked at Tracey, who was now looking curiously at the people around her. "You know, he has been pretty beaten up about how long you have been gone. He is probably trying to convince himself that you have been raped or been hit by Stockholm's Syndrome."

"I know," Bulma said and let her daughter get down on the floor. She slowly moved towards Gohan, as if she knew he was somehow like her. "Mom, would you look after Tracey? I think it's for the best to find Yamcha now instead of letting him be alone to long with his own thoughts and speculations. That's the least I should do."

"I will, sweetie." Mrs. Brief got out of her seat and embraced Bulma. "I'm so happy to finally have you back!"

"I'm also happy to be back," Bulma lied. She had tried to only focus on the fact that she was with her friends and family, the people she had been missing for so long, but her heart was aching by the fact that she and Tracey had been sent away.

Goku had instanttransmitted her to Yamcha's apartment. She was standing outside the door and hesitating to knock. What she really wanted was to be at home with her daughter, trying to get some order in her thoughts. In the same moment she finally decided to knock the door was opened. Yamcha looked at her in a moment before moving aside, giving her room to enter. Bulma walked into the apartment and headed towards the living room. She had visited many times, but it was the first time she had not just let herself in. She knew he had felt her and Goku arrive, and he had also been aware of her the entire time she had stood in front of the door.

"So a daughter, huh…"

"Yes."

There was silent for a long time before Yamcha said: "You want something to drink?"

"A cup of coffee would be nice." She watched him leave the room and return some moments later with a cup of coffee for her and a beer for himself.

"I guess you want to tell me something since you're here and not at home, nursing the daughter of my murderer."

"That's not fair, Yamcha!" She felt tears well into her eyes. They had known each other for such a long time, had been each other's first lover, and she didn't want him to hate her or her daughter. "Please listen to me, hear my story. I know you will find it hard to believe, but it's the truth."

Yamcha's expression had only changed for a bit during the explanation of their breakup but when Bulma finally was through her whole story he sent her a sad smile. He got out of his chair and sat down beside her in the sofa and laid his arms around her. They sat like that for a long time, neither of them saying a thing. Finally Yamcha let go of her and looked at her. "I will need some time to process it all, but I hope we can still be friends?"

"Of course silly, I would be devastated if not!" They embraced each other once again and somehow Bulma felt like her heart hurt a bit less. "Won't you please drop by soon and meet her? I… I know it must be weird, even after hearing all this, but I would really like you to meet her."

"You don't even have to ask."

* * *

Bulma smiled to herself, feeling happy and sad at the same time after remembering her first day back at Earth. After a couple of months she had somehow come to terms with her situation and thereby been able to properly enjoy her everyday-life with her daughter and parents. But it had all been taken from her…

"Mom, look!" She looked at her children and was surprised to see Tracey holding Trunks down.

"You cheated! You said it hurt, so I let go of you!" Bulma laughed and both children seemed to get their mood up by hearing it.

"I'm glad to see you're doing well."

Bulma turned around and couldn't believe her eyes. "Goku!" She jumped up from the ground and fell around her best friend's neck.

"Uncle Goku!" yelled Tracey and ran to the happy looking saiyan.

"It's so good to see you again; I've missed you two so much." He grabbed the eager half-saiyan as soon as Bulma let go off him and ruffed up her black hair. "You've grown, Tracey." He looked at the purple-haired boy, who looked like he felt out of place. "And who might that be? Trunks perhaps?" The half-saiyan boy smiled and nodded before slowly walking towards them. Goku put down Tracey and got down on one knee. "I must say, you really look like your father."

It was like the temperature dropped a few degrees. Goku looked at the three faces that had just been shinning with happiness but now were darkened. "Talking of Vegeta, is he the reason you're here?" He looked at Bulma and could see how devastated and guilty she felt.

"Yes – but not in the way you think. See?" He pointed above his head where there was no halo. "I was at King Kai's planet and could feel your and Tracey's ki's. Chi-Chi, Gohan and I are fine, but that's not the case for Vegeta…" He could see how Tracey and Trunks looked cautiously at Bulma.

"I know. Lord Enma showed me." Bulma looked at her children. "Trunks, Tracey, could you leave me and Goku alone for a minute?" They nodded and walked away. "I'm… I'm sorry… It was so selfish of me, bu…"

"Bulma, don't. I didn't come here to get an apology; I came because I missed you. Chi-Chi and Gohan also miss you. We were all surprised, but after dealing with our grief we could understand why you acted as you did." Goku smiled at her and patted her head. "But Vegeta is a different matter."

"How is he? Lord Enma showed me how he went on a rampage, but is he still like that?" Her head was bowed and a blue curtain of hair hid her face from his sight.

"He's even worse." A pair of terrified blue eyes met his and Goku felt his heart tighten. He knew she would be hurt, but he had to tell her the truth. "I'm not gonna lie to you. Last time I met up with him, he killed a saiyan boy." A gasp escaped her mouth and she closed her eyes. "Some time ago he still seemed enraged, and his anger fueled his desire to push himself and expand the empire. But now… It's almost as if he doesn't care about anything anymore."

"Kami, what have I done?" Bulma buried her face in her hands and cried. She knew it was all her fault, all the suffering Vegeta was inflicting was because of her selfish act.

Goku pulled her into an embrace and tried to console her before saying: "I think the hardest blow was telling him he was unworthy of Tracey. He is certain the two of you would be indifferent towards him if you were resurrected."

Bulma pushed herself away from Goku and looked at him with teary eyes. "I should have never written that! I hurt myself while writing it, and it ended up hurting Tracey too. I… I wanted to hurt him when I wrote it, but not enough to make him lose his mind like that." She dried her cheeks with the back of her hand. "If only I could see him and try to explain, for Tracey's sake. I feel like the worst mother in the world. Not only was I unable to safe her, I even used her in my own selfish way to hurt her father."

Goku rubbed her back as she started to sob once again and suddenly he got an idea.

* * *

Vegeta suppressed a growl. Why was Kakarrot always popping out of blue air whenever he felt like it? He couldn't even remember when the last time he had summoned the younger saiyan was. "What do you want?" he snarled and turned around. He was about to tell the other man to fuck off and leave him alone, but just starred with his eyes wide open in disbelief. Next to Kakarrot stood a blue-haired woman with a halo above her head. He took a step back and stammered: "What is happening?" He grabbed his head. "I… I thought I was awake… Are you here to haunt me in my sleep as well, Kakarrot?"

"Vegeta…" Her voice was much softer than it had ever been in his dreams, and his confusion became even greater. "You are awake. Lord Enma let Goku transmit me to you, but only for an hour."

He stared at her in disbelief. She was real? "Why are you here? What do you want?" His mind was in a state of chaos. For the first time in almost three years he saw her without hearing her painful scream or hurtful words, and it made him unsure of how to act. He was even unsure how he felt.

She looked at Kakarrot and after nodding the younger saiyan disappeared. Her blue gaze turned towards him and Vegeta felt a rush of adrenalin, preparing himself for an onslaught.

"I'm sorry."

His eyes were wide open in surprise. What was happening?

Bulma fell to her knees and bowed her head before muffling a sob in her hand. "I'm so sorry, Vegeta. I should never have written that letter, never! Tracey was so hurt by it, she… she told me she remembers you." She lifted her head and could see how confused Vegeta was. Disbelief and hurt were shining out of his eyes and he didn't move an inch. "I don't hate you and neither does she. I am sor…"

"Shut up!" Vegeta grabbed his head once again and closed his eyes. "Don't make me feel at ease only to torment me later! Why won't you leave me alone?"

Bulma got to her feet and ran to him. Even though it was all her fault, even though she knew she wasn't in a position to try and comfort him, her heart cried for him. She grabbed his cheeks and said: "Vegeta, please listen! It's me, I am here! It's not a dream." Two strong arms embraced her and she tried to hold back a yelp of pain. She could hear him take in a deep breath before he buried his head at the base of her neck.

"I can feel you. You're not out of reach anymore."

None of them said anything until Vegeta let go of her and took a step back. His face was stern, but Bulma could see a whirlpool of emotions in his eyes.

"Why?" He didn't say anymore, but she knew what he meant.

"My grief was driving me insane. I… I couldn't handle to lose my second child, but it will never justify my actions. I will never be able to express how sorry I am." She took in a deep breath and looked at the ground, unable to look into his eyes anymore. "I have hurt both you and Tracey so deeply, and I would never blame the two of you if you hated me. Everything is my fault, and yet Tracey always tries to cheer me up when I try to apologize to her." Bulma smiled sadly, thinking of how her daughter tried to keep up a brave face.

"So you are with her." He felt his anger rise. He had been alone – so alone – and tormented himself during every moment he had been awake. During the night his haunted image of her had tried to take away his will to live. And she had been with their daughter the whole time? She was SORRY!?

She nodded slowly clearly aware of his anger.

"Why are you here then? You got what you wanted… Did you want to atone for your own peace of mind?"

"No, I…"

"Do you think apologizing will make everything better? Will it make the last years of my life suddenly mean nothing? That damned letter has tormented me like nothing else… Only eight nights… Eight nights of proper sleep, that's all I have had since you walked out of that room. You have not given me a moment of peace, and you say you're sorry?" He didn't know what had gotten into him. Kakarrot and the white-skinned medic Launyr were the only persons, who knew about how much sleep he had gotten, and he had not told them about his nightmares – no one should know how bad the woman had affected him. And yet he wanted her to know.

"I… I…" Bulma looked at Vegeta and didn't know what to say. He suddenly looked haunted and broken. "How… I… I didn't know… How can I ever…" She took a step back and shook her head, completely dumbfounded. What had she done?

"You have made my life a living hell, just like you claimed yours to be, but I didn't quit! So tell me, why? Why did I have to be judged by your hateful eyes? Why did I have to be told by you that **I** killed my daughter? Why did I have to shed a tear in despair because you haunted me even when I was awake? WHY!?"

"Because I hurt you! I know it's my fault! I KNOW! I know apologizing won't change what has happened…" She tried not to show how terrified she was by his roar. "But I don't want you or Tracey to hurt anymore. Please tell me what I can do. Please! I… I still love you, and I doubted you even would shoot me a second glance, that's why I tried to make you angry by the letter. I…"

"YOU DID WHAT!?" Vegeta turned away from her and started to flex his fingers, making the buzzing sensation of ki building up go away. "You… You tried to make me angry?" He looked at her again and got even more pissed off by her tear-streamed face. "Angry? I have been furious with you for blaming me for Tracey's death; I have gone mad by lack of sleep because I was haunted by grief… And you just tried to make me ANGRY?"

"No, I… I… I can't explain, I already said so! Nothing will ever justify my actions or intentions." Bulma gasped when she felt Vegeta's hand close around her throat. It wasn't the first time it had happened, but for the first time she was certain he had no second thoughts about killing her.

"Even when dead, you're still a genius. You have said what you wanted, and I don't plan on listening to anymore of your blabbering." Vegeta had felt something snap inside of him by listening to the woman – now he felt a bittersweet sensation by the thought of snapping her neck in return. "Tell my greetings in other world." He tightened his grip but hesitated as he saw panic rise in her eyes.

"If you kill me now, I will cease to exist." She took in a swallow breath and tried to ignore the shadows lurking in the outskirt of her field of vision. Her heart was pumping furiously and Bulma had to fight the urge to try and get out of his grip. "If it just affected me, I wouldn't try to stop you, but it will break Tracey's heart and I…"

"Shut up!" Vegeta threw her across the room and grinded his teeth. "Don't use her against me one more time!" He stalked towards the shaking woman and slammed his fist into the wall next to her. "If you want to still exist, leave. I don't want to see your face again before I see her." He felt a tension in his chest. He had been somehow comforted by learning his daughter had been hurt by being used against him, but the power she had over him was frightening. It was as he had concluded earlier; he had let himself get a weakness – but right now he didn't care. If the woman could come and see him, perhaps his daughter could do the same. He would never ask anyone if it was possible, his pride wouldn't allow him. It would only happen if Tracey contacted him on her own.

Bulma nodded slowly. Confusion, fear and hope were swirling around in her mind. It had been too close, maybe seeing Vegeta on her own without Goku had been one of her worst ideas, but on the other hand… He had been responding in a way, which could be considered positive, when it had concerned Tracey. Perhaps not all hope should be killed off.

* * *

**What do you think? I've been through so many scenarios after Bulma got to see Vegeta. This one seemed to be the most realistic – the others were either too happy-go-lucky or too dark. I hope this "compromise" worked out.**

**Next time Goku will finally get started by visiting Shin, the Supreme Kai!  
And btw, I apologize for this fic being more of a Goku than a B/V, but that's how I felt like making it. I will try like in this chapter to get some Bulma or Vegeta in every chapter, but I can't guarantee it!**


	6. I Apologize to No One!

**I'm sorry it's been so long! I hurt one of my fingers at work (which forced me to be cashier for a few days – probably the worst position in the store!) so I couldn't write much before it hurt like hell…**

**Mcube, I'm glad to have you back! You say that's what you get for setting B/V on the filter, but I did consider whether changing the characters would make some of the readers from "An Innocent Wish" miss this sequel. I just knew from the start this story would be more about Goku trying to get back his friends and Vegeta's struggle with himself.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Why did you make her do that?"

Vegeta felt a tension in his body as Kakarrot's seemingly easy question hit a nerve in him. He knew what the younger saiyan meant but said: "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I asked Bulma what the two of you had been talking about. She seemed relieved and burdened at the same time when she told me she had apologized to you." The tailless man had his hands at his side and looked annoyed. "Why did you make her do that?"

"I didn't make her do anything. She came to me, she apologized, end of story." Vegeta could see the doubt in the other man's eyes and felt his tail wave behind him in anger. "And it's none of your business, Kakarrot, so keep your fucking nose out of it."

"Is that it? She apologized even though she had no reason to, and you just go on like it was nothing?" Goku was furious. He knew Bulma was devastated by the thought of her suicide being the reason for Vegeta's madness, but the reason for her suicide was the arrogant king himself! "The least you could have done was to tell her it was partly your fault for sendi…" He was cut off by the punch to his chin delivered by Vegeta.

"Don't get me started, Kakarrot." He kicked the younger saiyan in the abdomen and stalked towards the bend over figure. He was about to kick Kakarrot once again but ended up kicking through thin air. Vegeta spun around in the room, trying to sense the ki of the younger saiyan. He wasn't even on the planet anymore… "KAKARROT!"

* * *

King Kai was surprised to see Goku's swollen chin. "I have used the last two weeks on negotiating with Kibito and you have used your time getting into fights?"

"Vegeta seemed to get some of his spirit back by seeing Bulma, but not enough to stop beating me every time he doesn't like my attitude." Goku scratched the back of his head and tried to look carefree as he used to, but he couldn't shake the feeling of making a great mistake by letting Bulma meet Vegeta off. He had hoped for their meeting to help Vegeta but not because of Bulma apologizing. Even though he and Chi-Chi both had been devastated by her suicide the thought of Bulma needing to apologize had never crossed their mind. She had lost her will to live on completely by the deaths of their friends and Tracey and therefore suicide had been her only way out. But perhaps the time she had spent with her children had given her a new way of viewing life…

"Vegeta saw Bulma? Don't tell me you went to Other World?" King Kai sighed in defeat when Goku nodded. Why did the people from Earth always meddle in stuff they should keep out off? Kibito had been very vague about letting him know where to find a namekian and made sure to tell him many times that the Supreme Kai only chose to help Goku because the fate of all beings in the galaxy depended on it. "The Supreme Kai has made a route of planets you should use to instanttransmit yourself to the last remaining namekian."

"But I can only instanttransmit myself to kis I'm familiar with, not just places…" Goku was already about to give up on the easy route and take back to Planet Vegeta and hope to be provided with a spaceship.

"Don't worry," King Kai said and put his hands behind his back. "The Supreme Kai has put a bit of your own ki-signature in a plant or animal to make you able to travel to the namekian."

"Wow, that's great!" Goku felt his hope rise again and a huge grin spread across his face. "It's fantastic!" It was going to be so much easier than he had imagined.

"Wait till you have heard the rest of it, Goku." King Kai petted Bubbles, who had walked to his side after trying to get some attention from Goku without luck. "Getting help from the Supreme Kai after all the trouble caused by people from Earth isn't going to be free. He wants you to solve a problem on each planet before your ki-signature is planted on the next one. And I have to warn you: some of the problems you will face are directly inflicted by Vegeta or other saiyans. I can't guarantee you won't be forced to harm or perhaps even kill a saiyan."

Goku felt his bravado drop a bit. He had hoped to be able to achieve a goal without having to fight for the first time in his life. But of course it would never go as he hoped… "I understand. When will I be able to go to the first planet?"

"Right about… now." As soon as King Kai ended his sentence Goku could feel a tiny flame of his own ki-signature far away.

"Well, then I better get going." He put two fingers at his forehead and waved his goodbye to his former master and the monkey at his side.

* * *

"So, where's your dad?" Gohan looked at Daisia in surprise. They had just finished the lunch Chi-Chi had prepared for them and was about to put her ability to fly to the test. "You usually tell me about what he has learned from his father or something like that. The last couple of weeks you haven't said a word."

"Oh… That's because he's offplanet, it's nothing special." His father had told him not to tell anyone about his search for a namekian; it wouldn't be surprising if other saiyans would start searching for him as well. He knew Daisia never would tell anyone if he asked her not to, but it was easier not to tell her at all.

"Okay, if you say so." Daisia really wanted to know more, but she could see Gohan didn't want to talk about it. "Hey, let's make a deal!" she said enthusiastically in an attempt to cheer him up. "If you catch me in two minutes, I will tell you why I haven't learnt to fly yet." She wouldn't have minded never telling him, but she didn't feel the urge to keep it a secret anymore.

"You're sure?" Gohan's face brightened. "If you really don't want to, I won't force you."

Daisia stuck her tongue out at him and said: "You speak as if I'm going to tell you now. I told you, you have to catch me!" She laughed and flew off, speeding when she heard him take off from the ground. She changed direction, raised and dropped the best she could, but when she could feel Gohan's hand almost grabbing her left ankle, she tried a daring maneuver; after dropping half a feet, just enough to clear herself of his hand, she turned right and dropped even further, making it possible for her to turn 180 degrees and fly beneath Gohan. Unfortunately for Daisia, Gohan was faster than her, and she felt his arms lock themselves around her body.

"Got ya!" Gohan laughed when Daisia started to kick around and yell at him; she clearly hadn't expected to be caught. He let go of her and they landed beside the basket Chi-Chi had given them. "You really did great; I would say you're on the same level as our peers."

"Well, I did have a great teacher," Daisia said and took a sip from a waterbottle in an attempt to hide her blush. Why was she suddenly praising him? "Now I guess it's time for me to keep my part of the deal?" She sat down and shortly after Gohan sat down in front of her. After taking in a deep breath Daisia started to talk. "My mother died a couple of weeks after giving birth to me. She was hit by the heart-virus, but even though she was medicated her body was too weak after childbirth to fight it off. My grandmother helped taking care of me until she was killed on a purging mission for Freeza. I was four at the time… My father had always been certain my mother's dead was my fault but my grandmother had made sure he looked properly after me while she was alive. When she died, father hit the bottle." She looked at her tail and her eyes followed the movement of the tip, which was brushing her knuckles. They were white from how hard she was clenching her fingers. "He was only keeping sober when he knew he was about to be send out on a purging mission. He couldn't care less about me… I had to cook for myself and train alone. I didn't want the other kids to know about my father, so every time they asked me to spare I would make a bad excuse, because I knew I would never be good enough to train with them. I didn't go to the academy because I was afraid they would take me away from home and put me in the all-day school because father didn't teach me properly." Daisia could feel Gohan's gaze burning on her, but she didn't want to look at him. "So that's why I never learned how to fly or even use my ki…"

They sat in complete silence for a couple of minutes before Gohan said: "So where's your father now?"

"In the ground, next to my mother." Daisia looked at him and could see his concern for her. Normally it would make her angry; her whole life she had only had herself to depend on, so it annoyed her that other thought they had the right to feel sorry for her. But somehow, it made her feel at ease – even glad – that Gohan was concerned for her. "He got into a fight at a bar… The other man killed him, but because father was known for getting into fights all the time whenever he was drunk and the murderer was a well-known captain, he was not prosecuted…" She felt her old hatred well up inside her once again. Even though he had been an asshole, he had been her father and the only family she had got.

"So you live all by yourself now?" Gohan couldn't help but feel sorry for Daisia, even though he was certain she didn't want his pity. He had also experienced loss, but there had always been someone, who cared about him. Even though he had felt alone when Piccolo had left him on his own, he had later learned that Piccolo had watched over him the entire time. She had been all by herself for so long…

Daisia nodded and got up from the ground. "Hey, let's go to the stadium! I want to show the others how much I have learnt." She hated how the conversation had turned so serious and tried to change the subject.

"Okay," Gohan said, aware of how Daisia didn't want to talk anymore and not wanting to push her. "But I have to go home with this first." He picked up the basket and got into the air.

"I'll see you at the stadium!" Daisia took off before Gohan got the chance to say anything.

* * *

Chi-Chi put down her knitting as soon as she heard the door close. Her son was carrying the empty basket to the kitchen and sent her a big smile while thanking her for the great lunch. She smiled to herself. It was hard to decrease the amount of food she made when Goku wasn't at home, and it was nice to see the food she had prepared with great care was eaten instead of thrown out as she had been forced to do a couple of times after Goku's departure. "Why don't you ask Daisia to join us for dinner someday?"

Gohan sent her a look she couldn't decipher. "I will think about it, mom. Talking of Daisia, she really liked you buns, so if she comes by one day, you should definitely make some." He was almost at the door when Chi-Chi's voice stopped him.

"Are you leaving again already?" She knew it was wrong to try and make her son keep her company. He didn't have school as he had had on Earth, so she had no reason to keep him at home.

Gohan looked at his mother and could see how she tried to keep the look of loneliness out of her eyes. He felt his heart clench; they were both sure his dad would come back, it had never seemed to be a dangerous mission, but they had no idea how long he would be gone and if he would succeed. "I don't have to go right away," he said, even though he wanted to get to the stadium as soon as possible.

"Would you like some tea?" Chi-Chi asked, happy to not be left alone right away. Gohan nodded and she was quick to boil some water and get out some sweets before they sat down in the couch with a cup of tea. "So, have you seen your uncle or grandfather recently?" Burdock had come to visit her one time and she had been shocked by how much he and her husband looked alike. If it hadn't been for the scar on his cheek and the tail around his waist the only major difference was the look in their eyes. Even though Goku's gaze had darkened a great deal over the last couple of years, Burdock's eyes had given her a feeling of talking to a man, who had seen and done things no man should have experienced.

"I met Raditz and cousin Burdock at the stadium some days ago. Raditz should teach a team of recruits and Burdock was eager to see his dad work. It's so weird…" Gohan took a sip of his tea and looked out of the window, deep in thought.

"What's weird sweetheart?" Chi-Chi hadn't seen her son so serious in a long time, and she was curious to know what was on his mind.

"Just to think about how cold-hearted all saiyans seems to be when on a mission, but at Planet Vegeta it's as if they are completely different. Raditz tried to threaten dad by hurting me at Earth, but it's clear how much he loves Burdock." Gohan drank the last of his tea and grabbed a cookie from the plate.

"I think no matter how cruel a race may appear, animals or persons, a parent will always love its child." She smiled but as Gohan looked at her the smile started to fate. His eyes were sad.

"Not all parents…" Gohan mumbled and took a bite of his cookie.

"What do you mean?" Chi-Chi felt a cold rush running down her spine by the dark aura emitting from her son.

"It's just a story someone told me, I can't tell you mom." He looked at her and sent her a small smile. "Sorry, but I have promised not to tell anyone."

Chi-Chi hugged her son. "It's okay, Gohan. But if you need to talk to someone about anything, remember you can always come to me, okay?" Gohan nodded and smiled at her once again, this time his smile was genuine. She could see he was about to say something, but suddenly he jumped out of his seat. "What's happening?"

"I have to go!" Gohan had kept track on Daisia's ki since they parted, and a suddenly drop in it made panic rise in him. He hadn't taught her about lowering her ki yet, because no one except his father, Vegeta and himself could sense kis on the planet. He ran out of the house as fast as he could and as soon he was in the air he went super to get to the stadium as fast as possible.

* * *

The only sound in the room was Vegeta's heavy breathing as he pushed himself further than ever in the gravitychamber. A roar escaped his lips as he took another step towards the center of the room, his muscle and veins bulging by the pressure. His mind was blank except one thought, repeating itself: 'I apologize to no one!'

Suddenly a ki shone like a beacon in the outskirt of his consciousness. All kis off the saiyans on Planet Vegeta was low enough for him to ignore them while training, so for this ki to suddenly get his attention could only mean one thing: it was of great power, and as soon as he focused on it, he knew what was happening.

"Damn brat!" He yelled as he went super himself and easily ran to the door, making the chamber do an emergency shut-down as he pried the door open without closing down the program properly. He stormed out of the room and grabbed a shirt on the way out of the training facility, not planning on showing himself only in trainingshorts and boots when dealing with the annoying offspring of Kakarrot.

He flew for a minute before he saw the hybrid-boy and had his hunch confirmed: he had turned super. Vegeta made eyecontact with the kid, who clearly knew he was approaching by his ki, and watched realization and horror in his face seconds before he kicked the half-saiyan in the ribs. He lifted his hand, ready to strike, but hesitated when the kid yelled: "I'm sorry King Vegeta, but please let me help her!" His punch was only half the strength he had intended to use but Gohan was still flying a few meters before he could manage to stop.

Gohan went out of super and looked pleadingly at the agitated Vegeta. "I… I didn't think clearly because my friend's ki suddenly dropped drastically, I need to help her!" He could feel Daisia's ki drop even further and started to fly towards the stadium once again, praying that Vegeta wouldn't follow. Of course he wasn't that lucky.

"You think I give a fuck about your tiny friend?" Vegeta snarled, angry at himself for hesitating earlier. "Just be happy I didn't kill you as soon as I found you."

The half-saiyan was clearly panicking and his pleading gaze was replaced by rock-hard determination. "I need to help her. You can kill me afterwards if that's what you want. But don't let my mistake let another saiyan die!"

Vegeta crossed his arms in front of his chest. After being visited by the woman he had somehow managed to get proper sleep and therefore getting some of his sense back. He didn't regret ruling as he did, but he had started to think more about having a race to rule instead of just letting his subject die for a minor mistake. "Fine, go. But as soon as you have finished your business come to the palace. I will then decide what to do about you, brat." He took off before being able to see the look of pure relief on Gohan's face as he flew towards the stadium once again.

* * *

The air was heavy and the high temperatures combined with the humidity made Goku's clothes cling to his body. He tried to pull the material of his skin, but the saiyan spandexsuit wouldn't budge an inch. Goku looked at the green sky with purple clouds some minutes before lifting off, trying to get a better look at the planet he was at. He could feel tiny kis from animals but none of them was powerful enough to convince him of this planet having people on it.

"What could the Supreme Kai want me to do here?"

* * *

**I think the next chapter won't be up in a few weeks – I'm sorry! I have decided to write a fic for a challenge made by maymayB at the "We're just Saiyan"-community (find her at FanFic to find the community). I hope you will stay put and perhaps even read the challenge-fic when it's done.**

**And as always: please tell me what you think, whether it's a review or a PM doesn't matter, I'm just happy every time a get some feedback!**


	7. The Problem of Turning Super

**I'm back! I'm sorry you had to wait – I hope you will still follow A Desperate Wish! I haven't been able to finish the challenge I talked about in last chapter… I've had too many hours at work and too much to do at home to finish it. I have written 4692 words in the challengefic, and I haven't even introduced Vegeta by person, only by name… I don't know how long it will be before I finish it, but right now I want to focus on this fic whenever I have the time to write.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

There was only the faint sound of chatter from the saiyans on the street; all of them had just arrived at home after several months in space. Vegeta and Gohan ignored the laughter and happy outburst from mates who met after being separated for so long and kept starring at each other. Vegeta didn't know what to do about the brat – every possible emotion and reason to kill or let Kakarrot's kid live were swarming his mind, making him unable to make a quick decision as he would have done just a few years ago.

He had promised the damned, blue-haired woman to not harm the tailless saiyan and his family. A part of him wanted to keep the promise, to honor whatever there had been between himself and the beautiful earthling. Another part of him wanted to kill the brat to show her how easy he could break the promise..! But then she would, in some way, also win, because that letter was written to agitate him, which would make him act like that…

Gohan felt his heart start to beat faster when he heard a snarl escape the otherwise completely silent king. He had been told by his father to never cross Vegeta's path, to do anything possible to not fell his wrath, and yet here he was. But even if the grown-up saiyan chose to kill him, Gohan would feel like he at least had done his last heroic deed by flying to Daisia's side and stop her former friends from killing her. She had been a mess of broken limps and bruises and merely a second after he had made eyecontact with her, she had fainted. It seemed like the saiyan boys had felt like she had made a fool of them – they had believed she was much stronger than them, and that was why she never trained with them and always gave them orders. The seven 16 year old boys had been enraged by the thought of a weak woman ordering them around and lost all senses when they started to beat her up, much like they had tried to beat up Gohan. He was so lost in thoughts he didn't see Vegeta starting to move before he felt it.

The first blow was right in Gohan's stomach and made the young man bend over, exposing his back for the kick Vegeta delivered. The opposite wall started to crackle when the hybrid-boy hit it and soon small fragments of it started to fall down in rhythm with the furious king's ongoing punches at the already weakened Gohan. The loud sound of his bones being broken made Gohan's vision even more unstable and everything began to darken as his consciousness started slipping. Just as abruptly as the beating had started it ended and he tried to open his least swollen eyes. Vegeta was looking at someone who had just entered the training facility but Gohan was too beaten up to feel or smell who it was.

* * *

Daisia tried to comprehend what was going on. She had just left the regenerationtank Gohan obviously had put her in and was now standing in his bedroom, looking at her almost unrecognizable friend. Hushed talk and sobs could be heard from the room next door where Gohan's mother and a man she had seen at the stadium a couple of times – wasn't his name Raditz? – were.

Just as she had been about to knock two doctors had left and let her in. Apparently Gohan had been denied the use of a regenerationtank, even though they were free for everyone to use. But for him to even need a tank was something she had never expected to see. And yet she was now looking at a Gohan, who almost looked mummified by all the bandages, which should help his broken bones keep in place while healing as well as making sure his wounds wouldn't be infected. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to get out of her shocked daze and leave the room. It helped a bit and she only looked at the sleeping figure once before silently closing the door.

Chi-Chi dried her eyes as she had done a hundred times the last two hours and looked in the direction her brother-in-law did. A young woman was standing in the doorway with a look on her face like she felt she was at the wrong place. "You must be Daisia," Chi-Chi said and sent the nodding girl a sad smile. "I'm sorry we have to meet under such circumstances, but it seems my Gohan angered Vegeta."

Even though she knew Gohan's father was the strongest saiyan except the king, Daisia was surprised to hear the weak, earth-woman call the monarch only by name. "What did he do to make our king angry?" she asked, shocked to hear it was King Vegeta, who had hurt Gohan like that.

Chi-Chi was about to answer when Raditz put his hand in front of her and said: "We can't tell you."

"Why? He's my friend, why can't I know what happened?" Daisia fought the urge to unfold her tail and start brushing her knuckles when she saw the long-haired man's tail started to sway behind him, showing his annoyance. Even though she had gained a lot of strength through her training with Gohan, she knew it would be no match to her mentor's uncle.

"If the king came to know we have told you, my family won't be safe." Raditz looked briefly at the red-eyed earthling. Yes, his family… When he had said it, he had not only thought of his own mate, son and father – the wellbeing of Kakarrot's son, mate and unborn son had started to be something he cared about and thought of. "And neither will your!" Small blushes had been coloring the young saiyan woman's cheeks, but at his last remark Raditz could see the blood leave her face.

"I don't have a family or any friends except Gohan."

"But I do, and I won't risk their wellbeing for a brat like you. Leave before I…"

"RADITZ!" The two saiyans both looked at Chi-Chi in surprise. None of them had expected a human-woman could yell with such strength – if they had seen just a single argument in the Son-household they would have known. "This is my home, and she is my son's friend. Don't you dare throw her out." She took in a deep breath and continued in a lower tone. "Thank you for bringing Gohan back, and for consulting me. But I want to tell Daisia the truth. If you don't agree with my decision I will have to ask you to leave. If something happens I will take the blame."

Raditz looked at his sister-in-law for a moment before he decided to agree with her decision and leave the two women alone. He looked at the closed door in the hallway and thought about how long it would be before he would see his nephew out of bed again. His own son wouldn't be happy when he was told his cousin was severely injured.

Back in the living room Daisia was feeling a bit uncomfortable. She was sitting in a chair opposite Chi-Chi and tried to look anywhere else than at the sobbing woman. Perhaps it would have been better to just have done as the man had said and leave, but now it was too late.

"You know my husband, Goku, right?" Daisia looked at Chi-Chi and was surprised to see the determined look at the woman's face. She nodded and the no longer sobbing Chi-Chi continued. "He became a supersaiyan not long after the episode at Namek, which turned out to be of such great importance that no-one could have foreseen it. Through training Gohan also acquired that skill."

"So, they can both become a supersaiyan? Just like our king?" She couldn't believe her own ears. According to the legend, only a special saiyan could turn super, and it happened so rarely hundreds, even thousands of years could separate two supersaiyans.

"With ease," Chi-Chi said and hoped she didn't boasted too much. "They had promised not to turn super while any other saiyans were nearby, but according to Raditz, Gohan did just that in order to get to you." She could see surprise and disbelief in the young woman's eyes. It seemed like she had never had anyone come to her rescue before. "He is in the state he is in now because Vegeta wanted to give him a lesson."

Daisia looked at her hands and tried to ignore the sob, which escaped her friend's mother. "I'm so sorry, Ms. Son."

"Don't say that," Chi-Chi said and smiled even though a single tear rolled down her cheek. "Gohan is clearly his father's son, and Goku has been hospitalized or even killed more than once because he was trying to save everyone. It will never be your fault."

She looked at Chi-Chi and suddenly felt a deprivation she had never felt before: she had never had a mother to care so much for her that she would cry if she was hurt. What she didn't know was the beast waiting just below the surface in Chi-Chi – as soon as Gohan was feeling just a little better, he would be put through his mother's typical wrath whenever he or Goku was hurt…

* * *

A desperate yell resonated in the canyon. Goku pulled yet another root out of the earth and destroyed it with a minor ki-blast. He sighed and plopped down on the ground. "How am I ever going to get done!?" It had been more than a week since he had arrived at the planet and he was only halfway done – if not less – with the task he had been given by Kibito.

The saiyans had tried to grow a plant, which was like a carrot combined with a potato. Unfortunately it had turned poisonous when being grown on this planet and it had been abandoned. Now the root was slowly spreading on the planet, and was thereby threatening its very fragile ecosystem. Goku had been assigned to remove all of the plant – and it was way easier said than done… If it was just pulled out of the earth and tossed aside, it would instantly start to spread and there would be about five times more of it than there was to begin with. Therefore he had to destroy every tiny bit of it.

Goku felt the well-known buzzing and tension in all his muscles as he was about to turn supersaiyan by pure irritation and the feeling of not being able to do much. As he had done for the last seven days he fought back the urge but as soon as the tingling feeling disappeared a thought popped into his head.

'I'm not on Planet Vegeta… There's no one to watch me turn super!'

In pure joy Goku yelled and laughed as the fantastic feeling of pure power flowed through him, followed by the golden aura, blonde hair and blue eyes. He jumped up and started to pull up roots with new enthusiasm. The thick atmosphere didn't bother him anymore and the heat was no longer draining his willpower as well as energy – turning super was something he should have done as soon as he arrived!

What had taken him seven days only took him three days in super; on the tenth day after his arrival he had pulled out the last root and pulverized it with ki. In the same instance he could feel a beacon of his own ki erupt far away.

"Finally!" He said and put two fingers at his forehead. Completely unaware of what was going on back at Planet Vegeta, Goku moved on to the next planet.

* * *

Daisia tried to keep her eyes open but it was just too hard. She hadn't slept properly the last four days after moving in with Gohan and Chi-Chi. It had simply been impossible for her to calm down enough to fall properly asleep – she had ended up just dozing off for a few minutes before waking up again. But now her body finally overruled her anxious mind and she fell asleep.

Only a few minutes after Daisia had fallen asleep in the chair in the corner of the room Gohan woke up. He opened up his eyes slowly and looked at the ceiling for a bit while taking in a few deep breaths. His ribcage hurt like hell – and so did the rest of his body. He could feel a familiar ki, but the pain and his still sleepy mind wouldn't let him recognize the person. Inch by inch he moved his head and looked in the direction of the ki. As he recognized Daisia a smile manifested itself on his face. Gohan let his head return to its original position but did it so fast a groan of pain escaped him. Daisia's eyes shot wide open and she jumped out of the chair and rushed to his side.

"Gohan?" He sent her a tiny smile and tried not to show how much in pain he was. It became impossible when two saiyan arms wrapped themselves around his neck while a relieved laughter filled his ears.

"Daisia, you're hurting me!"

"Oh, sorry!" She jumped backwards and ran towards the door. She pulled it open and yelled: "Chi-Chi…"

"No, Daisia!" Gohan said desperately, trying to get some time to wake properly before his mother would start yelling at him. But it was too late.

"…he's awake!"

A few seconds went by and Gohan tried to sit up, but had to give up because of the pain. Then she stood in the doorway; his mother. "Gohan, what were you thinking?"

"Mother, I…"

"Don't you _mother, I_ me young man! Do you know how worried I was? Why do you and your father always have to get yourself half killed and then let me nurse you back to health?" Chi-Chi was about to get into one of her fits and Daisia was surprised to see the otherwise kind and smiling woman become so angry. "Goku was only away for a week and you try to get yourself killed! You just have to be thankful for the fact that Vegeta chose to give you a lesson instead of killing you for going super even though you know it was forbidden! And what if Raditz hadn't been at the palace? Perhaps you would have been thrown somewhere to die of your injuries!"

"Mom, listen…"

"No, you have to listen Gohan! I won't hear any excuses; not even saving Daisia is an excuse! She is a tough girl, and if you had showed up a minute later, it wouldn't have been too late – you just wanted to be hero like your father. Aaaarh! Why did I have to marry such a thick headed saiyan and give birth to a son, who is just as thick headed?" Chi-Chi turned around on her heels and stormed out of the rooms, leaving the two teenagers in silence.

Daisia was almost feeling hurt on Gohan's behalf by the angry Chi-Chi's words. If she had just talked a bit with him before calling out to Chi-Chi, maybe he wouldn't have been scolded like that and called thick headed. "Gohan, I'm sorry I…"

"Shh!"

Daisia shut her mouth and a few seconds later she could hear low sobs from the other side of the apartment.

"My mother always gets angry at me and my father whenever we get hurt. I'm sorry you had to see it, but I'm glad to see you're alright." Gohan sent her a small smile and tried to ignore how every single bone and muscle in his body screamed in pain.

"Don't think about me. I had to be in the regenerationtank for an hour and a half but you have been asleep for four days! King Vegeta won't let you get into a tank, and I know it's partly my fault you're hurt… so your mother has let me stay with the two of you to help her nurse you as a form of atonement." Daisia looked at her hands, unable to look at Gohan's face. She felt like it was some kind of confession… She had never had a real friend, but instinctively she knew that Gohan was one – a real friend. A friend, who would be there for her, even though she had been some kind of a bitch the first couple of times they had met.

"Well," Gohan said and tried to laugh but couldn't because of the pain. "I'm looking forward to be living with you. Please take care of me!"

* * *

He couldn't believe his own ears! A purging mission after such a long time… And the only purgers would be himself and his nephew? "King Vegeta, Gohan is far from healed. He won't be able to leave the planet before at least a month has passed."

"I know he is far from healed, Raditz. I was the one injuring him. But as soon as he is healed enough to travel, the two of you will take on the mission I have assigned for you. Failure is as usual not an option."

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. He had given up on figuring out what was going on in his former comrade's head. After the blue-haired earthling had taken her own life King Vegeta had turned bipolar, making it completely impossible for anyone to figure the king out. He even doubted the king knew what was going on in his own mind all the time…

* * *

**I hope you liked the chapter. Please tell me what you think! And this time I will try to make the next chapter quicker than this time, I promise!**


	8. A Sad Goodbye - A Joyful Reunion

**Oh this story is not easy on me! I started it with the thought of it being more like a story of Goku saving the day (like we all know he always does) but suddenly I didn't feel like describing different missions and nothing else… And now I'm 99,9% sure I know how this story is going to end and what is going to happen from now on. But I can't be sure the 0,1% isn't going to win – I will keep on fighting this mighty beast my imagination can be (and hope I won't be hit by yet another writers block or heavy work-load).**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

A sigh escaped Gohan as he put on the saiyan warrior-gear. He had never liked it; it reminded him of when Vegeta and Nappa had arrived at Earth, which had somehow been the start to all the following fatale events. He could feel his mother's worried eyes and hear the sound of Daisia's tail brushing against her knuckles. They had both been furious when Raditz had told them he had been given order to take Gohan on a purging mission. His mother had wanted to go to Vegeta to tell him Gohan wasn't old enough – but Raditz told her it was normal for saiyan boys at the age of 15 to go on their first purging mission, making Gohan two years older than the average first-time-purger. Daisia had started a verbal fight with his uncle; it would have turned physical if Gohan hadn't told Daisia to keep out of his family's business. That comment had hurt her a great deal, but her pride hadn't allowed her to accept the apology and explanation Gohan had tried to give her.

The two Burdocks looked at Raditz and Gohan, the youngest of them clearly not happy with the thought of his father and beloved cousin leaving him behind. He had begged for them to let him go too, but Raditz had denied it every time. A five year old boy would be a great hindrance and could possibly endanger the two grown-ups if they had to come to his rescue. He turned around and looked at his mother's tearstreamed face. Only four days had passed since he had been able to get out of bed, and Chi-Chi was worried sick if she would ever see her son again. Gohan put his arms around his mother's small figure and let her sob on his shoulder for a bit before taking a step back.

"I'll be fine mom. As soon as we take off after the mission I will contact you, I promise!"

"Of course you will be fine! You're a Son, right?" sobbed Chi-Chi and tried to smile at him. "Now go, before I decide to break your legs just to keep you here." Everyone except the young Burdock laughed, but the atmosphere was still thick of the unwanted goodbye.

The saiyans left the house, leaving Chi-Chi behind as she could not withstand the gravity outside. Goku had tried to get permission to give her some kind of anti-gravitational device to make her able to leave the Son-home, but Vegeta would not let non-slave aliens wander around his planet, even though a human could possibly not harm a saiyan. None of the five said anything before they were just outside the spaceharbor, where Daisia stopped abruptly. "I would like to talk to Gohan alone before you take off."

The two grown-up men nodded and proceeded to walk into the harbor-building, but the five year old Burdock ran to his cousin and grabbed his arm. "I want to stay with Cousin Gohan until he leaves!"

"Burdock, come here. Don't pester Gohan all the time." Raditz crossed his arms in front of his chest and sent his son the most stern eyes Gohan had ever seen coming from his uncle. "Now, Burdock!" he added when the boy just made his grip even firmer.

"But I don't want Cousin Gohan to leave." The saiyan boy sounded like he was about to cry and Gohan could see how his uncle and grandfather's features hardened as they both started to walk towards the three youngest saiyans.

Not wanting his cousin to possibly have a scolding as his last memory of his father Gohan quickly got down on one knee and looked into Burdock's eyes. "If you go with your father and grandfather now, Burdock, I promise to let you sit in the capsule with me for a bit before we take off."

"Really?" the kid said enthusiastically.

"Yeah. Go now, or your father will be mad at you." Gohan got up from the ground when his cousin finally let go of his arm and ran to Raditz and Burdock. The longhaired saiyan sent him an annoyed glance but nodded as he grabbed his son's hand and started to walk towards the harbor once again.

"You will get a scolding from your grumpy uncle," Daisia said and sent him a half smile. "He didn't seem to like how you let Burdock get away with his misbehavior."

Gohan grinned and scratched the back of his head in a typical Son-style. "I know, but I didn't want him to remember his father as a scolding if something happened." As soon as he said the last couple of words he wanted to take them back again. Daisia shot down her gaze and started to brush the back of her hand with her tail. "Not because I expect anything to happen, it's going to be a piece of cake!" He tried to laugh but it was only a hollow sound.

Daisia looked at him and sent him a sad smile. "I know you will be fine. But what you did was really sweet; you're a great cousin, Gohan. Are you sure Chi-Chi is fine with me living with her while you're gone?"

"Of course she is! Mom has felt a bit lonely since we left Earth. I'm sure she is more than happy to know someone will be there to eat with her and have a cup of tea once in a while."

"Okay. If I know Chi-Chi she will tell me if I have to move, right?" Gohan nodded and Daisia seemed at bit relieved in a couple of seconds before her troubled look was back. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Her eyes were more determined as she said: "Make sure to not be hurt and come back soon, okay?" Before he managed to say anything Daisia kissed Gohan's cheek and took off. For a couple of seconds he stood completely dumbfounded by what had happened. Then he shook off the pleasant, tingling feeling, which had spread throughout his entire body and walked into the harbor to meet up with his family.

"Where's Daisia?" his grandfather asked as he looked up from the pod he was making ready for take-off.

"She… uhm, wanted to let you and Burdock say goodbye alone," Gohan lied. His grandfather clearly didn't believe him, and he suddenly thought the older man knew what had actually happened when Burdock grinned and shook his head.

Gohan got into the pod and his cousin eagerly got onto his lap. Burdock looked at all the different buttons, monitors and handles with big eyes and was clearly disappointed when his grandfather a couple of minutes later pulled him out.

"Safe flight," the former warrior said as he closed the pods containing his son and grandson. Like his daughters-in-law he was nervous for whatever mission the king had planned for the two men. All he could do now was being near an intercom, so he could get to the harbor quickly and send his family aid if their pods suddenly malfunctioned. He lifted his youngest grandson of the ground and placed him on his shoulder before walking into the safe-area to watch the two pods take off.

"Bye Daddy, bye Uncle Gohan!" the boy on his shoulder yelled as they got a last glimpse of the pods. "Grandpa?"

"Yes?"

"When will they be home?"

Burdock looked at the five year old boy and tried to hide his own worry. "Soon, I hope."

* * *

The soil seemed to harden every time he dug a new hole. Goku was for the third time working with some kind of plant-related issue brought onto a planet by the saiyans… The first time had been the poisonous root. The second had been a forest of trees, which had overgrown the planet, he should chop down. And now he had to put seeds into the ground on the third planet, making sure a special flower wouldn't vanish completely after the saiyans had mined at the planet.

"Not even Master Roshi's training were this weird," Goku huffed as he put down yet another seed. "How many more seeds do I need to plant?" he yelled, but like all the other times, he got no answer.

* * *

"Mom?" Bulma was pulled out of her trail of thoughts and looked at her son. He seemed somehow troubled.

"Yes, what is it darling?"

"Tracey is crying again."

Bulma got up from the ground and ran after her son to her daughter, who was sitting with her face buried in her hands. "Tracey, what's wrong?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.

"I want to see Daddy!" the small girl proclaimed and pulled away when her mother tried to brush her hair. "I don't want to only be with Mommy!"

Bulma held back a sigh. Lord Enma had let her children watch some of the conversation she had had with Vegeta when Goku transmitted her to him. She would have given anything to make Tracey forget what she had seen. Vegeta's haunted mind had apparently used an image of her to show him his own grief and feelings of guilt, and his words had made Tracey want to get to her father's side instead of her mother's.

"_So you are with her. […] Why_ _are you here then? You got what you wanted… […] Do you think apologizing will make everything better? Will it make the last years of my life suddenly mean nothing? That damned letter has tormented me like nothing else… […]You have made my life a living hell, just like you claimed yours to be, but I didn't quit! […]Why did I have to be told by you that _**I**_ killed my daughter? Why did I have to shed a tear in despair because you haunted me even when I was awake? WHY!?_"

"I know, sweetie, but I can't bring you to him." The tears started to stream down Tracey's face again and Bulma felt her heart clench.

"But I want to see Daddy!" Suddenly the crying girl disappeared.

Bulma and Trunks spun around several times, but Tracey was nowhere in sight. At the same time they both desperately yelled: "Tracey!"

* * *

Chi-Chi looked at Daisia, who had just entered the living room. She seemed more upset than when she had left with the other saiyans. Perhaps the tough girl wasn't so tough after all when she had to say goodbye? "What's the matter, Daisia?" she asked when the young woman kept standing in the middle of the room. It looked like her question had brought Daisia out of a trance and a frustrated sigh escaped the young warrior.

"It's… nothing. I will tell you if I need an advice," Daisia said, as she knew Chi-Chi would otherwise say something like _you can always come to me if you need to talk_ or she would keep on nagging her the rest of the day. She left the room before the human woman managed to say anything and went into the room she had been provided with. With another sigh she fell down on the bed and buried her face in the pillow.

What had she done? Why had she kissed him? The urge had been there the entire morning. It had been the first thought popping into her head when she woke up, that maybe she wouldn't see him again and then she would never manage to show him some kind of gratitude for all he had done. Gratitude..? It was nowhere near gratitude she felt. She had grown really fond of the clumsy, grinning, loveable… Loveable? 'Oh, for heaven's sake!' She knew what it meant… She had had a feeling of something like this would happen, but hoped it wouldn't.

Saiyans were a species known to only find one mate for their entire life – chemistry was such a great deal of it, so mates would somehow find each other and not fall in love with others. What if she had just found her mate and he died on this mission? What if saiyan-human-hybrids didn't respond like a saiyan and he wouldn't have mutual feelings? She had heard how hard it was for saiyans to lose their mates. A saiyan had to go through a long process of anger, grief and sometimes even despair or a heavy depression. Eventually he or she would come to terms with the loss and an old saying even said "after the loss you will regain a soul-mate" because some widows said they felt like the spirit of their deceased mate came back to them. Perhaps the king was going mad because the human's suicide didn't make him able to regain his soul-mate..?

Now wasn't the time to feel self-pity or try to figure out the lunatic king – it wasn't a lie when she had told Gohan she was unsure whether Chi-Chi would want her to stay or not, but he hadn't known the reason. He was going to have a baby brother, but his mother had chosen not to tell him yet. She had been about to do so, but after being told Gohan should leave on a purging mission, Chi-Chi wanted to wait for him to come home to the great news. Daisia had promised Chi-Chi to help her with chores around the house if her pregnancy made it too hard for her, but that wasn't necessary right now and Daisia was not sure if Chi-Chi would want to have the reason for her son's injuries and departure in her home. If her host asked her to leave, Daisia would do so in the blink of an eye. She was still blaming herself for what had happened to Gohan, and she wouldn't be surprised if his mother did so too – even though she had said it would never be her fault.

* * *

The room was looking exactly as it had done the day she had ended it all. The only difference was the fine layer of dust at all the furniture, making it look like some kind of homicide scene with the destroyed crib and the chairs lying on the ground where she had thrown them in her last fit of rage. He didn't know why he had walked into the room for the first time in years, but something had drawn him. Minutes after he had been told Raditz and his nephew had left for their mission a weird feeling of what he believed could be called nostalgia had hit him, and even though it was the worst kind of torture he could ever put his sole through, he had chosen to follow the sudden hunch, which had popped into his mind: go to their room.

An unfamiliar sound in the room made Vegeta drop into a fighting stand immediately. The room was supposed to have been sealed off since that fatal day. He could not feel any ki-signature, but once again a weird noise sounded from a corner of the old-smelling room. When he heard it for the third time Vegeta could suddenly tell what it was: sobs. Still unsure of what was going on he moved silently and carefully further into the room and stopped as the sob turned into more persistent crying. Now he could tell the sound was coming from just behind what had been the crib his daughter had slept in for the first days of her life and he decided to carefully walk around it to see, what was going on.

Just as he was about to be able to see what was hiding behind the crib Vegeta's foot hit a piece of wood from one of the broken chairs, making a loud thud. The sobs stopped immediately and so did he. A small head suddenly popped up above the crib; a face he had seen so many times in his dreams with blood streaming down it's chins was suddenly right in front of him, looking were much alive. A pair of coal black eyes was staring at him in pure surprise. He was certain his own looked exactly the same way.

"Daddy?" The little girl walked a few steps towards him before a huge smile replaced her unsure and sad face. "Daddy!" She jumped at him, clearly expecting to be caught but instead she hit the floor as Vegeta leapt backwards.

"What are you?" He could feel his heart beat as if he was training in the GR. When had he passed out? Had he even passed out? Had he started to hallucinate? "Leave me alone!"

"But daddy," the small creature said with a tear streaming down her cheek, "I wanted to see you. I don't want to only be with mommy and Trunks!" She started to sob once more and Vegeta was getting more and more confused. If this was one of his nightmares, it was starting in a weird way. They had done so since the woman had visited him, but it had always been her, talking normally until she suddenly started to yell as usual – one time she had just stopped talking and suddenly blood had started streaming out of her eyes, mouth and nose. "You even said to mommy you wanted to see me," cried the little girl and grabbed her black tail.

What was she talking about? He had never said such a thing, and never in a million years would he have said so to the woman! A low growl escaped his throat and the black haired girl looked at him with big eyes. Suddenly he heard his own voice; it was not like when he thought it was more like someone played a record: "_I don't want to see your face again before I see her._"

"You don't remember?" she asked with a sad voice.

It was even like she had heard? It had to be a dream or some kind of hallucination! His mind was even more twisted than he had thought. "Of course I do. But Kakarrot is nowhere near, so this must be some kind of freaking dream! Why can't I be left alone?"

"The man known as Kakarrot or Goku is not the only one who can assist people from Other World when they get permission to visit the living world." Vegeta spun around, a bit more comfortable with turning his back to the fragile-looking girl than a person he had no idea was even there. "I'm still behind you, Vegeta," the mysterious voice said almost teasingly. He spun around once again and right beside the black haired girl was an almost shining being. It had golden skin and hair, completely black eyes and white clothes. "You're not one to be polite are you? For the last month I have fought with Lord Enma to get permission to bring Tracey to you, and then you act like that? Tsk tsk…" Vegeta growled once again, but the golden being ignored it. It snapped its fingers and suddenly the tiny hybrid girl was surrounded by what looked like a shiny bubble. It was first then Vegeta noticed the golden hallo above the child's head. "Now she can't hear us…" It looked at her for a short amount of time before turning the black gaze at him again. "Ever since Bulma visited you, Tracey has begged her mother to get permission to see you. Bulma hasn't been able to do anything, but I decided to help the poor being."

"What are you then?" Vegeta asked, annoyed that the mysterious being talked to him like he was beneath it. No one was above him!

"I'm nothing and everything. I was once a being, who died and got to the highest level in heaven. As years, decades even millenniums went by I lost my sense of self and became pure energy. Now I and others like me use our high status to help beings on lower levels to get their wishes granted like we got when we still had a feeling of being a self. I normally only help dead by convincing Lord Enma they should be permitted to have a day in the living world, but if you don't recognize Tracey and let her enjoy her single day with her father, I'm going to haunt you every moment you're awake – if you thought your own mind could trouble you, you have no idea how a vengeance spirit is!" And with the last remark it disappeared, leaving the shaken Vegeta and unsure Tracey alone.

After a couple of seconds he looked down. She indeed looked like she had when he had seen her for the first time – only bigger. Her eyes were an exact copy of his, her hair was straight like her mother's but black like his only with blue tones in it, and her face looked like the one that had haunted him in his dreams for such a long time. But somehow it was different. Like this face had no evil intention or hateful expression in it.

"You don't want to see me?" she asked and looked at the ground, clearly upset.

Vegeta took in a sharp breath. How should he respond? The shiny being was probably watching, pressuring him by its promise of life lasting horror. If he just stopped thinking and_ felt_ – even though that was something he wished the blue haired woman never had taught him to do – he knew exactly how he should act. It was his daughter. Of course he wanted to see her! Ever since he had looked at her and her mother for the last time as he left them so be send of for Earth he had been filled with regret. When he had been told she had been killed he had lost a part of himself.

But when a person has never expressed feelings in words – the only time he had ever called the person he cared for the most by name outside their bedroom was when he had found her dead body – it was hard if not even impossible to say something like _of course I want to see you!_

Instead of saying anything he just got down on one knee and looked at the girl in front of him. Slowly he reached a hand towards her and a gigantic smile replaced her unsure pout. She jumped forwards and threw her arms around his neck. Vegeta was in a state of shock by the clearly happy girl showing so much affection towards him. A warm somehow fuzzy feeling started to take form in his heart – was this how it felt like to be a parent? He had almost forgotten it. Perhaps it wasn't so bad…

* * *

"… but Trunks always wins," Tracey pouted. "I only win if I cheat, but then it doesn't count."

"A real saiyan never cheat," Vegeta said and tried to recognize the weird pull in the left corner of his mouth. He had ended up sitting down on the ground with his daughter on his lap. She had told him about how it was in heaven with the woman and his son, but how the boy from the other timeline had ended up with them she hadn't explained. And for some reason he didn't care – all that mattered for him right now was the enthusiastic girl, who tried with all her might to please him with her stories. "Especially a saiyan princess," he added. The last word had an almost magical effect on the girl. It was like her eyes started to sparkle and she smiled like a fool.

"I'm a princess?"

"Of course you are," he said and felt the weird pull in his lips once again. "Your father's a king, so you are a princess." Apparently all females had some kind of knowledge from birth that to be a princess was the most amazing thing in the world.

"Wow. Then Trunk's a prince right?" Her smile became even brighter when he nodded. "And Mommy is a queen!"

The strange pull disappeared immediately and Vegeta fought the urge to snarl. She would have been – he had planned on announcing her as his queen as soon as his subjects had gotten used to the new way he had ruled, just to be sure no one would take advantage of how fragile she was to go against him. But she had left him!

"Sorry," Tracey whispered and looked away from him. "Mommy always gets sad when I talk about Daddy too. Sometimes she thinks Trunks and I can't hear her and she cries. She really misses Daddy I think."

Vegeta could see the light from outside the palace reflect in the single tear streaming down his daughter's face. It was on one hand weird and on the other hand feeling natural for him to talk with her. He had only seen her twice and only with a few hours between. She had been 5 days old, and yet he had felt at the time like he had had some kind of communication with her. Like it had a mind on its own his tail removed her tear and brushed her cheek, like it had done the first time they had met. He was then met by a pair of happy but unsure eyes. Why this little creature would want to see him was a mystery, but he didn't care. He knew he had no right to see her; he had abandoned her and his subjects had killed her, but he had still mourned and suffered by the loss.

"You won't go again, right?" Tracey whispered, her eyes suddenly shining with fear. Last time he had brushed her cheek had been right before he put her down; right before he left her…

"No, I won't Tracey," he said and felt that weird pull once again. His daughter smiled at him and suddenly it hit him: he smiled too. Not the same way she did, Tracey was clearly smiling from the bottom of her heart and with all her childish joy shining out of her eyes. His was the once so typical Vegeta-smile with one corner of the mouth lifted; but it was indeed a great achievement. Perhaps his daughter would be the one to bring him out of his own darkness her mother's suicide had pushed him into?

"I like you Daddy," Tracey said and locked her tail around his wrist. It was the same soft sensation like the last time. Slowly some pieces inside of him felt like they got into place and for the first time he did himself as he had seen the other Vegeta do in the woman's memory: he smiled. He smiled a _real_ smile.

* * *

**Oooooh, them feels! Vegeta is smiling! This is really a turning point (if people can't see it, I must be a terrible writer!). But it won't be the only one in this story; Gohan is on his way to a life-changing event, and we will be at the sideline, watching it all fall apart – I hope it wasn't too much spoiler *winks*.**

**I hope it wasn't too much with all the references to earlier parts. And I really hope it worked with my attempt to show how this meeting with Tracey pushed some buttons in Vegeta he only knew he had because of the first time he held her.**

**As always: please tell me how I did! A review or a PM is the best thing in the world – and I'm serious; I check my mail quite often (also because of the B/V-community) and every time I receive a mail from I'm so excited!**

**Next time Raditz and Gohan will have a confrontation after landing on the planet they're heading for!**


	9. Inner Conflict

**I have a document with four pages of material I wrote but ended up not wanting to use in this chapter. It just didn't have the right feel to it, and for the first time I was close to write myself into a corner! The confrontation I talked about last time turned out to be somehow a bummer… But I still hope you will read the chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It felt like he had just left Planet Vegeta when he woke up; he knew the coma was used for the travel to seem shorter, but it was weird to know five days had went by without him noticing it. He looked at the planet he and his uncle was about to land on. It looked so peaceful – its colors were very earthlike, making it even harder on him to know what was going to happen.

A low scratchy noise sounded as the intercom was activated. "Gohan, are you awake?"

"Yes," he said and flexed his right arm as much as he could in the tiny cabin.

"Good. Remember to check the information about gravitation, oxygenlevel and so on. If you can't find it in the log, you have to let the pod analyze the different perimeters before opening. Do you understand?"

"Yeah I get it. But why do you even tell me, Uncle Raditz? It sounds like its pure logic?" Gohan rolled his head a couple of times. His body seemed rested and tired at the same time – it felt strange.

"It is… But we have lost more than ten young purgers since I started purging because they forgot the basics." His uncle's voice was dark, and Gohan suddenly felt bad for asking. "Just make sure to check it. I won't tell you anymore, you have to learn it by yourself, Gohan."

He quickly found the log and it showed him he could easily walk and breathe on the planet. When the pod shortly after started to shake as it hit the atmosphere, Gohan felt a rush of adrenaline shoot through his body. Now there was no turning back. The landing would have given a great impact on his body as it did on the ground, but the pod was made so it felt like a tiny bump. Gohan took in a deep breath to calm himself down a bit before opening the pod. Outside he was greeted by Raditz, who was looking impatiently at him. He quickly got out of the pod and flew to his uncle's side.

"This isn't going to be easy, Gohan. The first purgingmission is never easy. But you have to do what I tell you and you _have_ to kill. That's the reason we are here."

Gohan felt another rush, but this time it was a cold one down his spine. He had killed before, but that had been – just like his father – only to save others. This would be completely different… even meaningless. "I can't do it, Raditz. I can't just kill them." He jumped backwards when his uncle's fist was heading directly towards his face. "Wha..?"

"You have to!" Raditz growled.

"But I can't! Can't you just do it, you have done it before." He felt his heart rate begin to rise; he _couldn't_ do it!

"King Vegeta's order was for you to do at least half the killings." Raditz tapped at the scouter he wore. "Why do you think we have to wear those? Everyone knows this planet is populated by some of the weakest beings in the galaxy."

"I can't do it!" Gohan repeated and felt a slight panic rise when his uncle's face got even darker. "If it means I'm going to be killed by Vegeta, then so be it! I can't do it!"

"You _have_ to! King Vegeta won't kill you, he will kill our family. Think of Burdock, he is only five years old. And he has tried more in life than your brother will, if you don't get a grip Gohan!" Raditz was becoming desperate but tried not to show his nephew. He had known from the moment King Vegeta had told him to bring Gohan on a purging mission it would be a disaster waiting to happen. Of course the boy would be a softie like his father – they had both been raised like a weak earthling; a pacifist with no saiyan traits what so ever!

"My brother?" Raditz could see confusion in Gohan's eyes and realized his brother and sister-in-law hadn't told their son that he would get a babybrother.

"I'm sure Chi-Chi hasn't told you because she didn't want to put that pressure on you, but it need to be there Gohan. You have to do it – if you don't, your brother will never see the light of day." He hoped his bait would work. Even if he had to make Gohan do the purging by force he would. He had no intention on losing his mate and son!

"Okay," Gohan said slowly. Raditz could see determination and slight panic in the young man's eyes.

"We better get started."

* * *

A sigh escaped his lips to his own surprise. It had been ages since he had sighed, normally he growled or snarled. Once again he was thinking about going to their room – just to make sure it was still empty. He knew it would be meaningless. The weird, glowing being had told him his daughter wouldn't be able to visit before a year had passed, and her visit was only two weeks ago. Vegeta looked outside and watched the steady flow of his subjects leaving and entering the spaceharbor building just opposite the palace. Soon Raditz should be back and come to give him a briefing off his and his nephew's mission from that building. It was the center of his entire empire. His empire…

He and Tracey had been sitting on top of the palace the whole night and looked at the stars – she had been impressed when he told her of all the different places he had been and all the stars which was now in his empire. Freeza's name had slipped once, and Tracey had of course begun to ask who he was. It hadn't been easy to try and talk about his former lord and tormenter without showing his daughter all the hatred, which suddenly had welled up inside him. But it hadn't been towards Freeza solely; it had been towards the Freeza-like ruler he had become himself, towards his father who had tried to rip all feelings out of him and last it had been towards the blue-haired woman, who had successfully healed his heart only to rip it out with her own hands.

Who was he? His entire life had been a tale of people trying to shape him into what they believed to be the perfect saiyan prince. Not the perfect Vegeta – not even Vegeta – just a saiyan prince… Perhaps the first person to see him as _Vegeta_ except his late mother was the woman. But it had been too late. He had already been shaped into a saiyan prince without a distinct personality. All his personal traits had either been exactly how his father and Freeza wanted him to be or the exact opposite to oppose them – which meant it was still those two, who had made him _him_. Even his desire to rule his people without threats and violence had been because he didn't want to become a ruler like Freeza had wanted to shape him into.

Well, it hadn't solely been because of that. It had also been because he had wanted to make sure the woman wouldn't detest him when he would come to bring her and their daughter back to his planet after pursuing the Elders. Not that he believed it would ever have been possible, but she had been the last person he wanted to see him as anything else but _Vegeta_ – a man, who wanted his woman and daughter to be with him not because they feared him like his own mother had feared his father, but because they wanted to. But she had begun to see him as the saiyan king and not a man…

"_It's impossible to hate a person you never cared about, isn't it? […]_ _You gave me a child but chose your kingdom over us._" Those lines in her letter had given him the hardest blow. It had first been when finding her dead body he had realized his attachment to her. And it had first been when reading her letter he had realized how much he cared for her and their daughter and how stupid he had been when he hadn't told her what he would do after making sure there was no one who would threaten them on Planet Vegeta. Not that it would have changed anything… Those lowly excuses of saiyans would still have traveled to Namek and Earth and the woman would still blame him for not being there to save their child.

Vegeta growled at his own scowling reflection in the dark window and turned around to leave the room. For the first time in years he was able to think straight and not let his thoughts be controlled by sorrow or the feeling of guilt, and yet he still ended up blaming himself! That damned woman, what had she made him into? Even though he hated Freeza and his father, they had still tried to shape him into a strong ruler… She had only helped breaking down the fortresses he had built around himself to go on and left him completely exposed to his worst enemy: his conscience.

* * *

Burdock looked at the monitor in front of him once again. 7 minutes. The last time he had felt as worried as he did now was when he was waiting for team A08 to make contact with his missing son. Now Kakarrot's own son was the reason for his worries. His oldest son had sounded strange when he had contacted him, and Burdock could tell by the pod's settings Raditz had made sure Gohan wouldn't wake up before the pod was opened after arrival.

"Just make sure Gohan doesn't wake up too soon," Raditz had said when he had contacted him earlier that day. When Burdock had asked if they were alright his oldest son's response had been: "None of us are physical harmed. Just make sure to keep an eye on Gohan's pod. And don't tell Burdock, Chi-Chi or Daisia we're coming home." Before Burdock had managed to ask why he couldn't tell them his son had hung up and the pod had denied all attempt on communication.

1:02. Burdock looked up through the open roof and could see three balls of light at the sky; two of them had to be his son and grandson. He looked briefly at the monitor again. Raditz should be awake while Gohan was – as requested – still fast asleep. An orange light started to blink and an alarm went off to make sure all the people who was close to the dock maintained a safety distance as the two pods entered the building and landed at the special cushions designed to take all the force of impact. The pod on the left started to open and shortly after Raditz was standing a few feet away from him, rolling his shoulders and neck.

"It's good to have you back," Burdock said as he walked to his grandson's pod alongside his son. "But what happened?" He reached towards the panel to type in the code to open the pod but was stopped by his oldest son grabbing his wrist.

"Don't." Raditz' eyes were darker than usual and Burdock felt his stomach clench. "I want to prepare you before he wakes up." The longhaired saiyan took of his damaged armor and showed his father the big bruise on his right shoulder. "This is from when I tried to tell him to take a break and remember to eat something. His upbringing has made him way too soft to handle a purging mission; he did it because of King Vegeta's threat but it seems like the pressure was still too much for him. It's like he snapped one day, and now he don't respond when I try to talk to him."

Burdock could feel the blood leave his face. This could be the end of it. He didn't dare to think how Gohan could react when back on Planet Vegeta; he was just as strong – if not stronger after his severe beating – as his father, and it would mean serious trouble if he suddenly lost it. Not to think how his own son would react when learning his oldest son was mentally broken. "Should we even wake him up then?"

"I don't think he is dangerous towards saiyans. As soon as we had killed the last of our targets he just… zoned out. When we were still purging he was crazier than I am when I turn Oozaru though." Raditz could see his father was just as worried and dumbfounded by Gohan's action as he was. If he had known his nephew would be so affected by the mission he would have done anything to pursue King Vegeta to let him off. He didn't want to imagine how his brother could react when coming back – he just hoped some of that human softness kicked in instead of a saiyan rage.

"Okay, wait here, I'll be right back!" Burdock ran off and left a puzzled Raditz. Soon the older saiyan returned with a type of gun. "It's a paralyzing substance," he said and waved a bit with it as a response to Raditz' questioning gaze, "if he goes crazy, we can use it." After getting an approval from Raditz, Burdock typed in the code to open the pod and reveal his grandson.

A few seconds went by before Gohan slowly opened his eyes. They looked… empty. He got out of the pod and looked at his grandfather for a moment before turning his gaze towards his uncle. When he spoke his voice was flat and completely emotionless: "Why did you bother to bring me back?"

* * *

He couldn't believe it! MORE PLANTS!?

"I'm not a gardener!" Goku yelled and turned super in pure frustration. For the last four months he had been away from his family only to clean up the mess saiyans had made at different planets – and it was always something with plants… He had no longer any idea on how many planets he had been at; it could be 20 or 100, he wouldn't know. All he knew was how close he was to lose his temper like he had never done before. He only wanted to help, and this was how he was treated?

He had hoped he could finish this mission before his second son was born. Two more months to go… Gohan had been through more than a 17 year old boy should, he didn't want his other son to experience such hardship if he could prevent it. Goku sat down and looked around. The planet was completely bare. It had – like many of the others – been used as a mine, and now he had to plant all the different kind of seeds he had been provided with. He had once got the feeling that all this was only something The Supreme Kai made him do in order to keep him to the fire until the real test would be there. But after the sixth week, Goku was certain it was all a test of a saiyans determination to do the right thing.

After drinking some water from the bottle he had been given at an earlier planet Goku got up and tried to get an idea where to start. Even though he had done this more than a dozen times before, he was still not sure how to do it the easiest way.

"I better get started," Goku sighed and opened the first bag of seed. He had to tell himself once again to not give up. To do this for his friends, family and the entire galaxy.

* * *

Raditz tried to ignore the stern look on his father's face. He and Gohan were on their way to the harbor for their sixth purgingmission and he had yet to let Chi-Chi and Daisia meet the youngest Son. His own son had been inconsolable when he had been denied to meet his cousin – even after being scolded and given house arrest Burdock had been sobbing for days. His mate had been furious when he had decided to move to the barracks to keep an eye on his nephew until his brother was back. She had told him not to come back before he decided to prioritize his own family instead of trying to compensate for not being in his babybrother's life earlier. He had never thought of it that way, but she had hit a nerve. He snorted. It had to be the fact, that he was a father now – the first time he had met his brother and nephew he had used Gohan in an attempt to get Kakarrot's help against Freeza. At that time he would have had no problem with killing the little hybrid boy.

"It isn't even King Vegeta, who sends you on those missions now. Raditz!" Burdock grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around when he didn't respond. "We have to help Gohan in some way instead of just getting him off planet." He let go of him and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I hate to use a paralyzer on my grandson, and it has to be done more frequently after each mission. His rages becomes greater each time – if you didn't notice, then let me make you aware of the fact that Gohan was about to turn super the last three times he got into a fit!"

Raditz snarled at his father and started to walk away from the now fuming man. He knew! But what should he do? The only time Gohan was somehow manageable was on a mission. It was like he had lost his senses when coming in contact with his saiyan side, and now his nephew seemed to care less and less about what happened around him. He just sat and looked out of the window until he suddenly would start screaming and powering up. The first time it had happened had been two days after their first mission; Raditz had been contacted by a soldier, who told him they had been forced to paralyze and fixate Gohan. That had been when he decided to move to the barracks to keep an eye on the young hybrid.

"Raditz!" He stopped and turned around to look at his father. The begging tone in the older saiyan's voice had caught him off guard. "I have done nothing but let Kakarrot down his entire life. Please help me to not do the same to his son."

Just as he had nodded they both felt their body tense as the hall was filled with an earshattering roar. The two men began to run in the direction of the sound, both desperate to reach Gohan before it was too late.

* * *

Daisia felt her heart tighten but tried not to show her concern to the pregnant woman across the table. Before taking off for his first mission Gohan had begun to teach her how to sense kis. She had trained by herself while he was gone, but ever since he had returned for the first time, Daisia would have done anything to turn her new ability off. It was like she was even more aware of Gohan's ki than all others, and it made her miserable every time she could feel those sudden bursts of energy from him. The first time she had run out of the door and flown to the barracks, only to be denied access and told Gohan had been put in a fixation room, where no visitors were allowed. The second time she had been told the only person who could grant her permission to visit him was his Uncle Raditz. She had begged him, but he had refused every single time. She had stopped trying when he had yelled at her, telling her that she could go see Gohan, if she was ready to point a paralyzer-gun at him through her entire visit. It had also explained why his ki-level fell just as suddenly as it rose.

"What's wrong, Daisia?" Chi-Chi's seemingly innocent question made her brush her knuckles with her tail. Apparently she hadn't succeeded in hiding her concern. "Is Gohan making trouble once again?"

Gohan's grandfather had visited them a few weeks ago to tell what happened with Gohan. Chi-Chi hadn't said a word for two days until she suddenly had started spewing all kind of damnations towards her son and husband for being so difficult and making her worry about them all the time. Some of her words about saiyans had hurt Daisia, but she had tried to ignore it – she knew it had only been Chi-Chi's way of releasing some of her anger and frustration.

"Yeah, but Burdock and Raditz are with him, so I think he will be fine." She tried to keep on eating like Chi-Chi, but she couldn't. Her stomach had turned into stone by her concern for Gohan. "I believe Raditz and Gohan are about to take on yet another mission as they were in the spacehabor just a minute ago." Daisia tried to ignore her nausea and the taste of bile in her mouth.

"Where are they now?" Chi-Chi asked just as calmly as she had done the first time.

"On their way back to the barracks. I think Gohan is paralyzed, his power is very low."

Chi-Chi nodded and pierced a piece of her dinner with her fork. It was half its way towards her mouth when she dropped it and finally let her tears start to flow.

* * *

He knew his uncle was just outside the room. How he hated him. He hated everyone at this damn planet! Why wouldn't they just put him down like the animal he was? He had tried countless times to act up, just to force them to kill him in self-defense, but each time they had used that fucking paralyzer! He had even tried to turn super, just to get Vegeta's attention, but those fucking morons kept on paralyzing and fixating him before he could do anything. Damned ki-dampening rooms – he could do next to nothing when they put him in here! If just he could provoke Vegeta enough to be killed, it would all be so much easier…

Everyone kept on calling him Gohan, but he was no longer the happy, peace-loving hybrid boy from Earth. He was nothing more than a saiyan killing-machine, even though only half his genome was made up of bloodthirsty half-ape DNA. He had been born and raised as a half-human, a forgiving, peaceful being, which only used its strength to help others. But it had been so easy – so very easy – to just… kill. He had even enjoyed it. He had felt like this was what he really should do. It would all have been so easy if just his godforsaken saiyan side had taken over completely, but when he realized there had been no one to kill, his human heritage had kicked in and made him go mad with guilt.

He was no longer Gohan, the human raised saiyan hybrid. He was just a killing machine waiting to be used and in the time between missions hoping to be put down.

There was a knock on the door. "Gohan, are you calm now?"

He didn't say anything – the man on the other side of the door wasn't talking to him.

"I'm coming in." The door was opened and Raditz accompanied by Burdock stepped inside. "Are you ready to go?"

He nodded and slowly got out of his seat. The scarred saiyan, who looked exactly like his father, grabbed his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes.

"You don't have to go, Gohan. You can go home to Chi-Chi and Daisia instead. Or train with your cousin." Burdock tensed his jaw as well as his fingers. The dark eyes who met his were still empty.

"Let go of me," he said and shook of the annoying hands. An hour ago he had tried once again to provoke the soldiers around him into killing him, but failed. Now he was being put to use again, and he had to do it. If not, something bad would happen – he no longer had an idea what it was, but he knew it was something he couldn't let happen.

* * *

Daisia closed the door carefully and got into the air. She had just convinced Chi-Chi to get some rest and given her some ki-massage as one of the medics had taught her. The unborn boy was hard on his mother; every time she was upset he began to kick and punch enough to make the tough woman winch. The ki-massage helped the baby relax and therefore eased Chi-Chi for some of her pain.

As she landed just outside the spaceharbor, at the road used by the people coming from the barracks, she knew Raditz would be furious.

She could feel them before she could see them; Gohan in the middle, flanked by his uncle and grandfather. Just as she had expected Raditz' eyes looked at her in a murderous way. He was far from happy. None of them said anything until the three men were a couple of meters away from her.

"You shouldn't be here, Daisia." Raditz' voice was filled with even more anger than his eyes.

"I just wanted to see my best friend!" She looked away from the irate warrior and focused on the youngest of the three. He looked like he always had except one thing: no emotion was present in his eyes. Normally she would be able to tell how he felt by a single glance, but he seemed empty to her now. "Gohan…" she said and took a step forward. He looked at her and as their eyes met she said: "I miss you."

What happened afterwards was so fast Daisia had a hard time keeping track of it. Gohan suddenly growled and jumped towards her, knocking Burdock down in the process. She got out of the way in the last second and was then pushed even further away by a yelling Raditz. A sharp click sounded and Gohan was on the ground, completely motionless.

"I told you to stay away," Raditz yelled at her before pushing her even further away from his nephew. "Next time we might not be so lucky – if he had powered up like he uses to, you wouldn't stand here. So get away!"

Daisia looked at the paralyzed Gohan. She met his eyes, which were suddenly filled with loneliness and desperation. She kept holding his gaze while saying to Raditz: "He didn't try to harm me."

The longhaired warrior snorted and tried to grab her arm, but she moved away. She walked to Gohan, completely ignoring the protests from his grandfather and the soldiers who had started to gather around. She got down on one knee and laid a hand on his cheek only to see the look of desperation turn even bigger. Suddenly a pair of arms locked themselves around her waist and began to lift her away.

"I will visit you again Gohan!" she yelled desperately as the soldier walked away with her. The last she saw of the man she had come to love was a doctor who injected a drug into him and the now unconscious Gohan being strapped into fixation-bands.

* * *

**Phew, I must admit I had a hard time writing this Gohan. Some of you might think it's weird, but it's all part of my grand scheme!**

**I think A Desperate Wish is going to be far from An Innocent Wish in terms of the number of chapters. An Innocent Wish had 31 chapters, but this fic is going to be a lot shorter. It's not because I don't like this story anymore, but my head is filled with ideas for so many new stories, and I would be really angry at myself if this story turned sloppy just because I tried to make it longer than I could with quality.**

**Next time a new person will finally make his appearance: Goten will be born, and his father and brother will meet for the first time after Gohan's breakdown.**

**And to all of you who think I don't have enough Trunks in this story – I agree, but I can't make him appear naturally at the moment… But he is going to have a great role in my next fic (just as I wrote in the epilogue of An Innocent Wish, but I haven't started on the fic yet – A Desperate Wish is my top priority right now!).**


	10. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the long wait!**

**9000 words… I had so much I wanted to write, and I couldn't find the right place to split this chapter, so it's going to be my longest chapter ever. I hope you're going to like it.  
It contains lemon (like some of you have requested) and I have actually wanted to write lemon with the two characters for some time, but I had to get a way of bringing them together – while writing it I got a great idea, so there might be a lemon in the next chapter too.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Raditz sat at a rock and watched his nephew kill the creatures on planet GL-45. He only joined Gohan on the purginmissions to make sure he returned to Planet Vegeta and remembered to eat. He sighed. It had been two days since Gohan had last eaten, and he had patiently waited for the hybrid's power to fall due to hunger. He got of the rock in a small leap, not quite accustomed to the low gravitation – normally he wouldn't pay it any attention after a couple of hours, but by constantly sitting still while watching Gohan hadn't given him the opportunity yet.

"Gohan," he called, but his nephew didn't respond in any way. "Gohan, take a break. You have to eat." It was like a spell had been cast – just like all the other times Raditz interrupted Gohan's purging. "Come on, it will only last a couple of minutes." He turned around slowly, showing his back to the unmoving half-saiyan. While making sure the paralyzer was ready Raditz took out the supplybox from Gohan's pod to give it to him. As soon as the box came into his sight Gohan jumped towards Raditz, screaming and powering up. "Shit!" He threw the food away and pointed the gun at his nephew, but it was too late.

Gohan kicked the gun out of his hand and landed a fist in his face before jumping a few feet away. Raditz got into a defense stance and cursed inwardly for not making sure to get accustomed to the gravitation before agitating Gohan. He knew it would end up like this, it always did – he just couldn't bring himself to paralyze Gohan and give him nutrition through liquids every time he had to eat. He knew he had to do it now, but the gun had landed some hundreds meters away and Gohan was in the way. When Raditz slowly started to walk around his nephew he was met by a kick to the ribcage and another blow to his head, which broke the scouter he was wearing. Now the only way to communicate with Planet Vegeta was to be in the pod, but that wouldn't be possible if he didn't make Gohan calm.

"Gohan, it's wasting more of your time to fight me than eating would." His comment had the exact opposite effect of what he had expected. A loud roar sounded from Gohan as he leapt towards his uncle with fists ready to strike. "Oh, for the love of…" Raditz shouted as he met Gohan's left hand just in time to not be hit for the third time in the head.

He expected Gohan to jump back again, like he had done the other times, but it didn't seem to be his nephew's plan to back down now – if he even had a plan. As he deflected blows and kicks, Raditz noticed how Gohan no longer seemed to recognize what happened around him and he tried to get around the furious young man so he no longer was in front of the paralyzer. Twelve minutes later he had finally made a 180-degree turn and was now closer to the gun than Gohan. Slowly, to not raise suspicion if his nephew snapped out of his rage, Raditz began to move closer to the gun by letting himself be pushed backwards by some of the attacks. When he was a few feet away from his target he let Gohan punch him in the face so he could fall down and grab the gun. In a swift movement Raditz turned around and fired it, making the needle hit Gohan in the arm he had lifted to land the next punch. He then quickly rolled to the side to not have Gohan land on top of him.

"Ouch…" He got up from the ground and examined the damage. Two broken fingers on the right hand, several bruises and open wounds down his arms and legs and he was sure his left cheek would swell. He was grateful Gohan had been starving, otherwise he might be dead. He looked down at his paralyzed nephew and was met with flaming eyes. "Sorry Gohan," Raditz said as he lifted the young man over his shoulder and brought him back to the pods, where he sedated and fed him. He then put Gohan into his pod and made sure he wouldn't be awake before the pod was opened again – just as usual. "I better finish this quickly," he said and looked down at the most severe wound on his right arm. It was already infected by the microbes living in the atmosphere.

* * *

He looked at the young saiyan in front of him in disbelief. The private was young enough to be his grandson and he dared deny him access to a pod? "Do you even know who I am?"

"Yes sir, you are Burdock, father of Sergeant Raditz and Former Ambassador of Planet Earth Kakarrot." It sounded like a record being played.

"I didn't mean to have you tell me what my sons are. It seems you're unaware of my own military degree. I demand you, as major to give me passage." He was only going by the book to get a pod in order not to get his family in trouble – the part that already wasn't. His computer had told him that contact to Raditz' scouter had been cut, and therefore he had replayed the last ten minutes it had filmed, to make sure it just wasn't a bug in the system. The last image had been Gohan's fist, which explained clearly why the scouter had stopped sending back info.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am not allowed to give access to pods to former majors."

"Now listen, you punk, I may have been forced to leave the military, but I have at least served my planet and king by completing missions, not just by standing in a doorway! I won't ask aga…" Burdock was seconds from snapping but never made it that far as two MPs grabbed him by each arm and started dragging him out of the spaceharbor.

"Please leave, sir," one of the MPs said, "unless you have missions, you cannot be given access to a pod."

"So my achievements don't count? All the missions I have accomplished… The sacrifice I made by fulfilling my mission instead of seeking medical treatment, so now my leg is always hurting… None of it matters?" Burdock felt resentment filling him. He had even written the log of his youngest son's child purge and done it without demur! "My son is alone with my grandson, Gohan. You must have heard of him! I can't get in contact with my son, and I fear the worst has happened. Just let me borrow a pod for a week!" He didn't care about his pride anymore in this matter. He just wanted to make sure his son and grandson were safe!

"Sorry sir, but no. I would personally let you take off, but I can't let you." The MP, who had been talking looked at the other, who nodded and walked out of earshot. "I am a friend of Raditz, and I am truly sorry for not being able to help you. If I hear anything, I will contact you immediately!"

Burdock put his hand on the MP's shoulder. "Thank you," he said and took off after receiving a nod from the younger man. He decided to visit his daughter-in-law and Daisia and have a talk with them. He couldn't go with this knowledge alone, but it wouldn't be wise to tell it to Raditz' mate.

Daisia opened the door a couple of seconds before Burdock touched down in front of it. He looked at bit surprised by her action, but didn't mention it. She made space for him to come inside, feeling a nervous rush throughout her body. He hadn't visited them since he told them about Gohan's breakdown, and she hadn't seen him since two weeks ago in front of the spaceharbor. After closing the door she followed the older man into the living room, where Chi-Chi was sitting in the couch, clearly exhausted by her unborn son's activity.

"Burdock, how nice to see you," she said and sent her father-in-law a weak smile, "I hope your visit isn't because of Gohan causing trouble once again."

Daisia could see a sudden tension in the older saiyan's jaw while his shoulders dropped. Chi-Chi had clearly hit the nail on the head. "I'm sorry, Chi-Chi, but... The last video Raditz' scouter send was of Gohan attacking him. I don't know what has happened afterwards." The normally composed man closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, clearly to calm himself down. "I don't know if we will ever see them again."

Both Daisia and Burdock fought the urge to cover their sensitive ears as Chi-Chi started to cry. Slight panic seemed to manifest in Burdock's eyes and Daisia decided to do something she never thought she would do: throw a person out of what she had come to see as her home. "I think you should go." The other saiyan looked at her with surprise. "This is not what she needed to hear, so leave and let me handle it." Burdock was about to protest, but a loud moan of sorrow from Chi-Chi stopped him and he let Daisia walk him out of the house.

They had just sent each other a nod for goodbye when suddenly Goku popped out of thin air. "Father, are you here to help?" He looked flustered, even slightly panicked.

"Help?" Burdock said and was clearly as puzzled as Daisia felt.

"Chi-Chi! She is about to give birth; I can sense it in her ki!" Goku had just finished the sentence when all three saiyans heard a painfull scream from inside the house.

* * *

The usual alarm for incoming pods had sounded several minutes ago but no one had left dock 7. Two of the guards on duty had decided to check out if the alarm had been false and were now making an emergency call to the medics. One of the pods was open and inside was a heavily wounded Raditz, who needed medical attention right away, which meant the closed pod had to contain Gohan; none of the guards wanted to handle him without a medic nearby to paralyze and sedate him.

"Shouldn't we get him out?" the youngest asked.

"Can't you see how infected his wounds are? They were at Planet GL-45, its atmosphere contains numerous bacteria and viruses, and we won't know if any of them might start an epidemic." The oldest guard had dragged his younger colleague out of the dock as soon as he had seen the infected wounds on the unconscious sergeant.

"But…"

"Shut up! We have to wait for the medics, understood?" He had just sent the young guard a stern gaze when a team of ten medics came.

"Both of you need to stay until we have examined you," one of the medics said while the others got into the dock, "if Sergeant Raditz has taken back some of the dangerous microbes and you have gotten some of them inside your body we will have to isolate and treat you."

The two guards send each other a worried gaze. "Do you see now why I dragged you out?" the oldest asked. The young saiyan, who had turned paler, nodded silently.

Inside the dock the medics had gotten Raditz out of his pod with some difficulties. None of them were saiyans themselves, so they had to be five to get the big man out of the small cabin. While six of the medics started to check his numbers three of the remaining four was about to open Gohan's pod. Two of them had a paralyzer ready and the third held a syringe with sedatives in it. They looked at each other, making sure they all were ready. Slowly they pressed the command for opening the pod and took a step back.

* * *

"Uuugh…" Slowly he raised his hand to grab his head. Never before had he felt so bad, it was like his head was about to explode alongside the rest of his body. He had never felt like this before; it was like his blood was too thick to run in his veins but his heart kept pumping faster and faster to squeeze it through the tight pipes. With great effort he finally opened his eyes and was met by several starring eyes. He took his time to look around and realized he was inside a pod in the spaceharbor. As slow as possible, to not put too much strain on his painful body, he grabbed the side of the pod and got himself out of the tiny cabin. He had just set a foot on the floor when the leg gave away underneath him and he stumbled to the ground. A bunch of hands grabbed his soar body and turned him around. Too weak to hold his own head he let it drop to the side and starred right at his uncle.

Yellow and green pus was slowly dripping from the badly infected wounds all over his body. His tail looked almost rotten with big patches of bare skin, where the fur had fallen off. The left cheek wasn't there anymore and Raditz' teeth were visible through the hole. He felt his throat start to contract and bile started to fill his mouth. He tried to swallow, but couldn't and instead he started to spit it out. It was black with small bubbles of gas leaving it with a low sizzling. A moan of pain escaped him when he for the second time spit out some of the black bile. People around him were talking, and each time some bile left his mouth hysteria seemed to grow. For the first time he wished they would use sedation on him.

A couple of minutes went by with more bile coming out of his mouth, each time a less dark color, and then he saw his uncles was lifted onto a medicbed and was driven away. Once again he moaned, desperate to not be left alone in this hell of pain. Turmoil suddenly erupted around him, and he tried desperately to move his head to see what was happening, but he couldn't – it felt like the blood had started to clog in his neck and made it unable to move. It sounded like a quarrel was going on, why couldn't they just be quite? He wanted to sleep now; he couldn't even feel his feet anymore. Perhaps this was punishment for what he had done? A slow, painful death? He didn't care. If this was what he should go through to finally get out of his misery, then he would gladly do so.

"Gohan." He opened his eyes, not even aware of when he had closed them. They had started to blur, but he willed them to focus on the person in front of him. A pair of black, worried eyes was looking at him. Who was it? "Gohan, you have to fight, okay?" He closed his eyes again. NO! He didn't want to fight. "Gohan!" The panic in the voice made his eyes shoot open. "Hey, stay with me, okay? Keep your eyes open, it's going to be all right." His eyelids started to feel like they were made of lead and he began to close them once again. "No, no, no, don't close your eyes. Gohan, stay with me! Gohan…" He felt something warm and soothing at his cheek and slowly opened his right eye to watch the figure by his side. "That's right, just stay awake, okay? I'm with you now, it will all be fine soon, I promise." The feeling of his blood clogging his veins had started to spread from his feet and fingers to his legs and arms, and the heaviness of his body made him feel so weak and tired. Without more strength to fight the pending darkness he let his eye close once again. The last thing he heard was a desperate yell: "GOHAN!"

* * *

Goku paced forth and back in the living room. Chi-Chi looked briefly at him before she returned her attention to the baby, who was feeding at the moment. "Calm down, Goku. You can't do anything about it. If a person can get to Gohan, it's Daisia."

"I know," he huffed and let himself fall into a chair. He looked at his wife and their nine days old son, named Goten. The little boy looked exactly like he had done when he was a kid, and his father had seemed quite nostalgic when he held his youngest grandson even though he tried to hide it. "It's just…" He scratched the back of his head and tapped at the floor with his foot. "I had no idea what had happened, and now you tell me not to go see our son. I can feel both his and Raditz' kis, and they're not very high."

"But you can't get to them," Chi-Chi said and sent him a short glance. "And I'm happy you didn't fly off as Daisia when I asked you to stay. You have no idea how long they will keep them isolated. If you had been there, I would have to be all alone." Goku could see how brave his wife tried to be, but he knew how fragile she felt at the moment. It had been the same when Gohan was born – she acted like she could handle everything in the world while she was falling apart inside.

"I know Chi." He got out of his seat and sat down in the sofa beside her. "I promise I will stay until Daisia is out again, but I have to get on with the tasks I have been given by the Supreme Kai." Chi-Chi just nodded without looking at him. Their son had just let go of her breast and was now snuggling a bit in his mother's arms before he started to snore contently. "I have to do it for Goten's sake. I have had a lot of time to think, and I've decided to do anything to make sure Goten won't be put through so much trouble as Gohan has been."

Chi-Chi looked at him; this time she was smiling. "You don't have to explain it to me, Goku. I'm certain you're doing all you can. For all of us." He leaned forward, making sure he wouldn't wake up Goten, and kissed his beautiful wife. Yes, he did it for them.

* * *

Daisia looked out of the window and sighed. It had been three days now, and they would still not let her see Gohan… or even Raditz! She and Goku had both sensed something was wrong as soon as Gohan and Raditz' kis were close enough to feel. They had been way too weak for comfort and without saying anything she and the former ambassador had headed towards the front door. If not Chi-Chi had called out and made Goku explain, he would probably had taken off alongside her. In the end, he hadn't showed up; Chi-Chi had probably talked him into staying with her, which had saved Goku from the horrific sight Daisia had been greeted by. Just outside the spaceharbor she had seen Raditz being rushed towards the hospital. He and the medics with him had been surrounded by the isolationshields used for situations like these. He had looked horrible; parts of his body, face even tail were gone and the parts remaining were filled with open, pus-filled wounds. She had shaken the shock off of her and headed towards Gohan's ki, afraid what would meet her. To her surprise there had not been a single guard or soldiers all the way to the dock, where she had met the first two. They had told her to stay with them, telling her they might be infected and thereby infect her. After a couple of minutes talking back and forth, where Daisia had argued it wouldn't make a difference whether she waited outside with them or got to Gohan, she had gone into the dock and left the fuming guards outside. One of the four medics had left Gohan to tell her to get out. She had argued with her as well and finally the medic had let her go to him.

He hadn't looked as bad as Raditz, but the black pools of bile by his side showed her, that he was infected too. She had rushed to his side and tried to talk him into fight, but he had seemed so unwilling… When he closed his eyes for the last time, she had felt like she could die. His ki had fallen to such a low level it was barely detectable and she had let the medics push her away so they could work with him with more ease. After what felt like an eternity a medicbed finally showed up and they all rushed away with him. She had begged for them to take her with him, but they had told her to stay in the dock with a medic. He had done a quick examination and told her she would need to be isolated for a week to make sure she hadn't been infected. The two guards had been examined later and hadn't needed to be isolated.

And here she was… Alone, in an isolated room, next to Gohan, who's room was between her own and Raditz', and yet she wasn't allowed to see him. She pushed herself away from the wall and walked to the intercom beside the door. Seconds after she had pushed the button a medic answered her call. "Yes?"

"Can I go see Gohan, please? There's even a door between our rooms, I won't need to go into the hallway for heaven's sake!" She tried to remain calm but didn't succeed. She just wanted to make sure he wasn't half-eaten like his uncle had been… that was a lie, she just needed to see him! She hadn't seen him more than two times for several months and now he was so close and yet she was denied to visit him!

"You can't."

"Why?" She clenched her fist and told herself smashing the intercom wouldn't help her situation.

"If you get inside his room your isolation will be in vain and it will have to start all over. You can see him when he's cured."

It seemed like the medic was about to hang up, but Daisia quickly said: "I don't care if it has to start over! I can even take a month of isolation if needed, please just let me see him!"

The medic looked at her silently for a while. Then the intercom suddenly went black. Daisia started to curse and stomped her right foot into the floor, making a nice bulge. She was about to do the same thing to the wall when she heard the sound of the door into the sterilization room just outside her door. Soon the door in front of her was open and the medic she had been talking to entered.

"I will have to give you some information before you can see him, and I doubt my superior agrees with my decision about letting you meet him. Therefore I will give them to you in here instead of using the intercom." He pointed at the two chairs near the window and Daisia followed him and sat down. "We have made Gohan's room kidampening, but not as much as the cells at the barrack, so I can't guarantee your safety if he gets one of his fits." She nodded and tried to ignore the anger she felt at all the people treating Gohan like some animal. "You have to bring this with you," he said; it was first then Daisia noticed the tiny object in the medic's hand. "If he starts to act up, you just have to point it at him and push this button then return to your room and call us via the intercom." She nodded as she reluctantly took the paralyzer from the medic. "I will go outside now and in a few moments the door will be opened." The medic got out of his chair and left the room. Soon after she heard a buzz from the door just in front of her. Slowly Daisia got out of her chair and walked towards the door. With her hand above the button to open it she took in a deep breath. Then she pressed the button and walked into the room with confident steps.

She had only taken a few steps when she stopped abruptly. Gohan stood before her with eyes she couldn't decode. At least they weren't empty like they had been the first time she saw him near the harbor or looked painful like the last time she saw him. "How are you feeling?" she asked carefully. Burdock had told her how quiet Gohan could be before he would suddenly start a rage. She was certain the purging had been too hard on his sweet nature and hoped she could somehow reach him.

After a couple of seconds in silence Gohan shrugged. "Better I guess. It was you at the dock right?"

Daisia took a step forward without noticing it as she smilingly said: "Yes, you recognized me?"

Gohan snarled and started walking towards her. "Why wouldn't you just let me die? Do you know how long I've been waiting to die?" He grabbed her shoulder and started to shake her violently. "Do you?" His eyes were now burning with anger.

"I couldn't let you die Gohan! You just got a babybrother, six days before you got back, don't you want to meet him?" she tried a bit desperately. She couldn't tell him why she hadn't wanted to watch him die, not like this. To him they were still friends, she was certain of it, and she didn't want to confess her love as the reason to why she wouldn't let him die. Not when he expressed a deathwish like he had just done.

"You're not part of my family! I have told you before, so stop meddling in our business. Just leave me alone." He pushed her away and ignored her low hiss when her left shoulder got bruised by the wall.

Daisia grabbed her slightly hurting shoulder and looked at him, anger starting to build up inside her. How dared he! She had risked her own health and perhaps even life to get to his side, and this was how he treated her! Oh why did she have to fall in love with an unstable hybrid? "I won't! And you know why?" she asked when he slowly turned around and looked at her. "Because I love you, that's why! Don't you ever dare treat me like I shouldn't care for you! You were the first person to ever treat me with kindness and now you just tell me to scram. What's wrong? This is not you Gohan." She watched several emotions flicker in his eyes: surprise, denial, hope and last anger and loneliness.

"You're right. I'm not Gohan – can't you see it?" He sat down at the bed and hammered his fist into the mattress. "How should you, you're just a filthy half-ape like everybody else."

Daisia felt the tickling in her hand before she realized she had slapped him. "That's enough!" For the first time in years Daisia felt a tear roll down her cheek. "I never thought you would speak like that. What's the matter with you?" She took a step back when Gohan got up and started to walk towards her.

"What's the matter with _me_? What's the matter with you? Is it because you haven't purged you can live with yourself?" He grabbed her throat and lifted her off the ground. The shock made her lose her grip on the paralyzer but it seemed like Gohan was too agitated to notice. "Is it because you haven't tried to kill an innocent? If you had, you would know how easy it is, and how hard it is to live with yourself afterwards." Daisia grabbed Gohan's arm and found one of the pressurepoints she had been taught about. As soon as she pressed at it his lower arm and hand turned numb and Daisia stumbled to the ground.

She looked up at him. His eyes were burning with selfloath and underneath there was a hint of loneliness. Slowly she got up from the floor and laid her hand on his cheek. "You're too hard on yourself. Your grandfather told us why you and Raditz had to go on the first mission; I know you did it to take care of us. Don't blame yourself like that." Gohan looked at her and it looked like he was begging her to keep on telling him not to be so hard on himself. "Saiyans have always purged, no matter how barbaric it might seem to humans. I know Chi-Chi would never hate you for what you have done, nor would your father." At her last remark Gohan took a step backwards and his gaze went stern.

"You don't know my parents then. You may think you know my mother after living with her, but my father would never accept what I have done. He will hate me, I'm sure he just won't show it to not hurt my mother." He walked to the window and clenched his fists.

Daisia walked slowly towards his tense figure and laid a hand on his back. "I'm sorry Gohan. I… I just hate seeing you like this." He turned around towards her and looked at her with his stern eyes. She looked into them for a long time before she said: "Do you remember when we met in front of the harbor? Raditz was furious because he had told me not to go see you." He nodded slowly and stiffened a bit when she laid her hand at his cheek once again. "When I promised to visit you again I never imagined it would be at the hospital while I was held in isolation too." She looked down at his still clenched fists. Slowly to not startle him she took one of his hands with her free hand. "You're not in pain, are you?" He shook his head no and relaxed a bit in his shoulders and hands.

His eyes were no longer full of selfloathe or anger, only loneliness. They stood and looked into each other's' eyes for several minutes before Daisia slowly leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "I have missed you so much," she whispered and leaned her forehead against his. Gohan had closed his eyes and had tensed his jaw but he didn't push her away. Minutes went by where none of them said or did anything before Daisia said: "Can you remember why you jumped towards me outside the harbor?"

Gohan shook his head but kept their forehead pressed against each other. "I'm not sure. I think it was because you were the first I recognized who wasn't pointing a paralyzer at me or making sure to get me off planet to act like a killingmachine all the time."

Daisia was glad he had his eyes closed. She was sure he wouldn't be happy with seeing her smile like she did; to hear him talk almost normally made her happy beyond belief. She leaned a bit backwards before letting her lips touch his. It was like she had hit a button. Gohan laid his right arm around her waist and let his left hand grab the back of her head. His lips were hard at first but slowly they got more and more soft. Daisia let her hands rest against his chest, afraid he would become scared if she wrapped them around his neck even though she wanted badly to do that!

Heavily breathing she broke of the kiss and was about to kiss his neck and face but he got ahead of her. Daisia leaned back her head and exposed her neck completely to him, sighing contently by the feeling of his lips against her skin. While his lips still made her neck burn his left hand started to travel down her back and cupped her bottom like his right hand had done just a moment earlier. She started to unbutton his shirt but let her hands retreat when she more felt than heard the low growl from Gohan. He started to kiss her lips once again while his hands moved from her bottom and to the front of her blouse. Slowly he unbuttoned it before starting to do it on himself. Daisia was so close to him she could feel his hands tremble and she broke of the kiss as she grabbed them.

"If you don't want to, then don't," she said while looking into his eyes. She started to button his shirt up again while planting swift butterflykisses at the side of his neck. While doing so she caught a glimpse of his upper torso where several starformed scars showed the heavy use of the paralyzer against him. Daisia slowly took a step away from him and bend down to pick up the paralyzer she had dropped earlier. She could see how Gohan stiffened and betrayal started to shine out of his eyes. Without looking at him Daisia walked to the table near the window and put down the small gun. She turned around and looked at him. She walked to him but stopped a foot away, not wanting to get too close if he felt trapped. "Raditz told me a long time ago I only could go see you, if I had one of those pointed at you the whole time. Even the medic, who let me in here, gave me one. Just in case." He was trembling when she put her hand at his cheek once again. She felt like it was something she should do to keep on showing him her love. "But I would never use something like that against you."

A low gasp escaped her when Gohan grabbed her around the waist, this time his arm was lying against her naked skin, and pulled her towards him for at mindshattering kiss. This time she couldn't help herself and she threw her arms around his neck while her tongue finally got entangle with his. She felt his arm start to move down her back and began to purr involuntary when his hand swiftly brushed against her tail. A shiver ran down her spine when his hand stopped moving downwards and instead started to brush her tail with even movements and it made her push her body even closer against his. His other hand moved up her arm and started to touch her breasts lightly before starting to fondle them more confidently. Daisia broke off their kiss and moaned quietly while tugging at Gohan's trousers. His movements came to an abrupt halt and she let go off the fabric instantly keeping her eyes shot to not look at his face. A moment went by until she suddenly felt his hand leave her breast and instead in a swift moment rip off both their trousers. She took a trembling breath and let her tail sneak around him to let it run up and down his back; its sensitive tip felt every scar from battle and from the paralyzer.

Her body felt even hotter when it was pressed against the cold wall; the front of her body was completely engulfed in Gohan's heat and it made her shiver when he grabbed her thighs and wrapped her legs around his body seconds after pushing her against the wall. Daisia pressed her mouth against his neck to muffle her loud moan when Gohan slowly pressed his throbbing erection inside her. She felt his burning hands on her hips and how he made them join even further. Only a single thought could manifest in her head; she was certain this was happiness. Her arms tightened a bit around his neck when he started to move, making the warm feeling in her core start to spread throughout her entire body. His smell was filling her nostrils, her skin felt like it would set on fire by each touch of his; all her senses were focused on him and it made her even more lightheaded when his breath hit her neck before he started to kiss it.

"Gohan," she whispered and lifted her head to give him better access, not noticing the hesitation he began to show. Daisia began to move against him, trying to get him further into her trembling body; he responded by setting an even higher pace, making her low moan turn into screams of pleasure. Her hands found their way into his shirt and the feeling of the smooth skin on his shoulders made her instinctively dug her nails into it to put her own mark on the man she wanted so desperately to become hers. The triumphant feeling of doing so had only started to manifest itself when a low roar sent a shiver down her spine. She suddenly felt Gohan's hand close around her throat while he pulled her arms and legs away from his body.

The pain by her collision with the wall just below the window was nothing against the dread and panic rising in her when she turned and looked at the furious man in front of her. His teeth were barred as he walked towards her, snarling. It was easy to see he had got into a fit and wasn't aware of what he was doing. Desperate to get away from him Daisia pushed all the buttons at the door and threw herself through it when it finally opened. As soon as she was inside her own room she closed and locked the door holding back a sob when the sound of Gohan's fist ramming against it made her stomach clench in fear. What had she done?

* * *

There was no sound in the room except Goten's quiet snoring from his crib. Goku looked at the peaceful boy and clenched his fists; he would do anything to make his oldest son just as happy. He looked at his father and brother; Raditz was only marked by the infection by a minor scar at his cheek where the newly grown skin had closed the wound. Truth to be told he hadn't felt any urge to meet them while being back for a short amount of time. He had decided not to confront them about what had happened while he was gone; they couldn't change the past and a confrontation would only rip his family apart.

"Where's my son now?" He knew they were aware of the fact that he could feel Gohan's ki wasn't on the planet. Even though he had decided not to take a confrontation about the last half year Goku was fuming on the inside by the fact that he woke up this morning to the lack of Gohan's ki. They hadn't said a word except their greetings, but he was certain they had known Gohan had been scheduled to be sent off. And they hadn't said a word!?

"We don't know." Burdock's eyes were firmly closed and his voice was filled with regret. "It was only because I went to the barrack to see to him I was told he was on a mission. Apparently he chose to take a solo mission late last night."

Raditz got out of his seat with a determined look. "If he acts like he has done on all our missions he won't stop purging to eat or sleep. I should be in a pod on my way to him instead of just sitting here!"

Goku looked at his brother, who started to walk towards the door. "Raditz, stop." He got out of his seat and looked back and forth at his brother and father. "None of you have to meddle in this anymore. You have shown you cannot take care of Gohan so I will go. I only ask of you to take care of Chi-Chi and Goten while I'm gone. I entrust you with the people most important to me. Don't let me down again." Before Raditz or Burdock could say anything Goku instanttransmitted himself to a well-known mini-planet.

"Ah, welcome Goku; I have been wondering how long it would be before you decided to visit me again." King Kai got out of the car, which he had just parked in front of his house. "I believe you've come to ask of Gohan's whereabouts?"

Goku nodded. "I have, but thinking of what happened last time I asked for help, I'm sure you can't tell me right?" He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up high. Even from here he couldn't feel his son's ki…

King Kai bowed his head and shook it no. He wanted to, he really did! But he couldn't. The Supreme Kai had finally found the last, but most important, task for Goku, and he would do anything to have it altered – he had even begged Kibito to talk to the Supreme Kai and have him change his mind, but it had been a lost cause. "Wait here Goku. I will be back in a moment."

Goku looked at the bugman, who disappeared into the small house. Bubbles had just left the house and was now trying to get his attention with all his might, but Goku had too much on his mind to pet the jumping monkey. He had been completely dumbfounded when Burdock had told him that even he and Raditz hadn't known of Gohan's departure. His son had gotten out of the hospital the day before, and Goku had decided to go meet him today. He had a hard time believing his caring, happy and sweet son should have turned into some kind of madman. But unfortunately it seemed to be the truth.

King Kai came out of the house, worry clear in his face. "Goku, you need to go to the planet you were at before going back to Planet Vegeta. Then the Supreme Kai will help you find Gohan."

Goku looked doubtfully at his former master. "Are you sure the Supreme Kai is going to help me? So far it hasn't felt that way…"

"He will lead you to the last task before introducing you to the namekian. You will meet Gohan either during the task or at the planet with the namekian. I don't know if the first or second is the case," King Kai lied. He knew telling the truth wouldn't make it easier on Goku.

* * *

The ground was purple and only small blue plants were scattered around him. It seemed like a barren planet, but there had to be some kind of life or he wouldn't have been send to it. He took in a deep breath and used his ability to feel kis for the first time in weeks – for some reason he had unconsciously stopped using it. He had yet to realize he had done so in order to not be so conscious about Daisia on the opposite side of the hospitalwall after she had been forced to flee the room due to his rage.

A small group of kis near him had just caught his interest when a familiar ki suddenly popped up just beside them. He furrowed his brows. What was he doing here? He got into the air and flew towards the cluster of kis.

Goku ignored the frightened, small alien-people, who ran around and screamed in fear. They had started to do so when he had instanttransmitted himself to the spot his own ki-signature had been put on just seconds before. He could feel Gohan was getting closer and once again wished he could have gone to the planet without letting his son know he had arrived. He needed some time to think, but if he ended up arriving on a half-purged planet because he had been sitting down to think he would never forgive himself.

He still couldn't believe what Kibito had told him the Supreme Kai had said he should do. _I have one last task for you, and then you will be shown directly to the namekian you seek. You have to go to the next planet, like you have done before. There you will meet your son and you will have to do what you have been told from the start you might have to do._ Kibito hadn't said it directly but Goku knew, what he meant. King Kai had even said so before he started those missions: "_I can't guarantee you won't be forced to harm or perhaps even kill a saiyan._"

He would talk to Gohan and together they would find a solution, just like they always did! Gohan's ki came closer and he prepared himself for what might meet him. Chi-Chi had told him stories, but it couldn't be that bad. The fist, which hit his right cheek, was so unexpected Goku fell to the ground by the impact.

"What are you doing here?" Gohan snarled at him. He looked at his son and couldn't believe his eyes. Never before had his features been so harsh, his entire posture was completely changed from the last time he saw him. Before Goku could manage to get up he had to roll to the side to avoid his son's foot, which would otherwise have hit his stomach. "Did you come to play nanny like Raditz? To make sure I eat and sleep? Why won't all of you just leave me alone?" Goku leapt off the ground and landed a few feet away from his agitated son.

"No, Gohan, listen to me!" He grabbed Gohan's left hand before it hit his head and deflected the right a fraction of a second later. "Calm down, I need to talk with you."

"Why don't you just use the paralyzer like everybody else? Huh? Still want to play the understanding and loving father?" Goku punched Gohan in the stomach and tried to fixate his arms with no luck.

"What do you mean? Gohan, listen! I need you to listen to me."

"Why?" Gohan yelled after throwing yet another punch at his face. "Just to hear you say all the stuff I already know? How much you and mom hate me for doing this? Just go away!"

"I don't hate you! Gohan, stop!" His desperate yell was only answered by a snort from Gohan. After deflecting punches and landing a few himself to try to get Gohan calm enough to talk, Goku screamed without thinking: "I'm here to kill you!"

Gohan stopped the fight immediately and looked at him with questioning eyes. "Why haven't you done so earlier?" Before Goku managed to say anything, his son continued: "Ever since my first mission I have tried to get out of this miserable life, but no one has helped me! Why haven't you come to do it before now? Do you know how much blood I have on my hands?"

Goku closed his eyes and shook his head no. He slowly opened his eyes again and looked at his son. His haunted, broken son. "I'm sorry Gohan, I had no idea what was happening. I… I just wanted to-"

"To save the day like you always do," Gohan spat and shot him an angry look. "Then why didn't you come save the people I have killed?"

"Gohan, I didn't know what was going on! Of course I would have helped you, I still want to. But not by killing you, even if you think that's the best way out." He could see the will to live had left his son's eyes, but Gohan hadn't been pushed so far so he would take his own life. But it did seem like it was only a question of time before it happened.

"Then why did you say you're here to kill me?" Gohan almost seemed disappointed and Goku could feel how his son started to power up, like he wanted to fight him once again.

"Because the Supreme Kai has told me to do so in order to get to the namekian. But I'm sure we can find a way out of it, I just need you to listen and talk with me! We have to find another way." He looked carefully into his son's eyes and hoped to see something else than the emptiness he was met by.

"Then do it."

"What?"

"Do it! Don't deny the disgust you feel knowing how many innocent your own son has killed! Just act on it. Kill me!" Gohan tried not to sound too desperate. He just wanted to die; it tortured him to see all the people around him pretend not to care about his actions when they filled him with so much self-hatred. He had tried to let go of his human side in vain, and he could feel how his sanity was slowly fading away. If his death could even be beneficial, then maybe his parents would someday think of him without disgust and hatred.

When he could see his father's hesitation Gohan decided to push him into the act. All the inhabitants in the city had run into their tiny, turquoise houses, but they would not serve any protection. His first kiball destroyed the nearest house completely, leaving nothing but a few burning walls behind. The second wasn't so powerful and only made a hole in a house, from where he grabbed two of the crying and screaming aliens. While looking his father dead in the eyes he threw one of them into the air and let a couple of kibeams shoot through its body. Goku's eyes grew large in horror when Gohan grabbed the other alien's head and squeezed it until the skull broke and braintissue were splattered on his arm.

"Gohan, stop!" Goku sounded desperate but he just grabbed a third alien from the house after he had shot one, who had tried to escape. He threw the alien at the ground, beside the two already dead, and started to stomp on it, making a painful scream replace its cry of panic. "STOP!" His arm was grabbed and he was pulled away from the bleeding yet still breathing alien. His father looked at the tortured creature and shot a single beam of ki through its heart before looking at him. "Why did you do that?"

"Because that's what I do," he said and hit his father's arm, breaking it in the process. He flew to another house and punched a hole in the wall where he pulled out an alien, who was desperately trying to put down a baby before being pulled completely out of the house. Gohan grabbed the baby and threw both the aliens at the ground. He made two kiballs and pointed them at the crying aliens before looking at his father.

Goku shook his head. "Gohan, stop," he begged. He would never have thought he would see his son act like he did.

"Then stop me." Gohan let go of the kiballs and the two aliens were pulverized. He watched his son grab yet another alien and quickly snap its neck before throwing it at his feet. "Or they will all end like that." Gohan grabbed an alien more and held it by the neck. His son suddenly stood before him with fewerhot eyes. "Weren't you here to stop me?" Goku closed his eyes to not get blood in them when Gohan punched his hand right through the alien's body. He took the dead alien and put it carefully down before looking at his son. "What's stopping you?" Gohan was once again next to the house and pulling out a couple of aliens. "Why don't you just do it?" Goku wasn't sure if the desperation in Gohan's voice was something he only heard because he wanted to. "You can get everyone back, just do it!"

Goku got up and watched how his son started to look like a maniac while killing more and more aliens. His arms felt like they were made of lead when he started to lift the left. It took all his willpower to form a kiball and he had to do it three times before he could keep it instead of letting it disappear as soon as he had made it. He let go off it and watched the scenario in front of him in slowmotion.

As soon as the ball had left his hand Gohan had dropped the alien he was holding and turned towards him. He closed his eyes and leaned his head slightly back. He looked… peaceful. Goku watched his son's armor begin to redden around the hole in his chest while he slowly fell towards the ground. Seconds went by before Goku could move. He took a single shaking step before he fell to his knees. For minutes he watched the unmoving body of Gohan until an alien fearfully walked to it and started to punch and kick it.

"Get away from him!" He flew to his son's side and pushed the alien away. "Don't touch him!" Goku brushed away some tears before slowly laying a hand above the hole in Gohan's chest. The blood had almost stopped flowing and his son's body was already starting to get cold. "Are you happy now!?" he yelled at the sky before his entire body started to shake when he let the tears start to flow.

* * *

**Whew… This is the first time I have cried while writing! Even though I got the idea of letting the Supreme Kai have Goku kill Gohan as the last mission it was really hard to write it. I hope you won't hate me!**


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